Absolutely nothing has been going on. Nick and I went over to Geoffrey’s last night to dub a tape, and that’s about the only thing we’ve done outside of our houses. That’s okay by me, I guess. Neither of us have any money right now, so we’re sort of forced to have a lot of in-evenings.
I need goals for this summer. I got my report card in the mail, and I did a lot better than I thought I did, so now I feel that the summer has officially begun. I need goals. One goal, I know, is to complete my short story for Creative Writing next year. It’s a good one. I’m writing it with a much different technique that I do my other stories. It’s semi-autobiographical, if you call what I would like to happen with my life a biography. I would.
Also, this summer I want to get a job. I applied at Target already, but my main purpose in doing that was so I would have something to keep my mind off of the upcoming ten days. I think, however, it will hopefully become more than just a distraction. I’m worried that if I keep this job, it will interfere with my plays in the fall. Beginning next theatre season, I’m completing immersing myself into plays. Schoolwork and theatre .. that’s all I want to be doing. I hope it actually happens.
Another goal is to learn to swim. Originally, I was going to learn so I wouldn’t be left out when I went to Wisconsin, but now it seems I just need to learn for myself. Being in the ocean at the beach was so fun and calming. I’d like to actually do more than just wade. I can’t even doggie paddle.
Well, it’s 7:30 PM. I should be doing something tonight; I just don’t know what. Nick’s parents are giving him a “big talk” tonight about who-the-hell-knows-what, so he can’t go out until later, and knowing how things usually end up, probably not at all.
But it’s all good. I rearranged some stuff in my room and put my RENT and Sunset Boulevard posters up, so I feel better.
Okay, so I never ended up going to sleep. I watched this like 5 hour special on Harriet and Ozzie Nelson, and also a quite interesting and very fitting program on insomnia.
So, by 7:00, I thought “to hell with sleeping,” took a shower and went over to Nick’s at 8. He wasn’t quite ready, and I was completely exhausted, so we ended up not leaving until a little after 9:00, in between watching the Today Show and waiting for Nick’s shirt to dry.
We were at the beach by 11. I love the beach so much! It is honestly my favorite place in the entire world — the water, the carefree attitudes .. fits me very well.
Anyway, it took us a while to find the campsite Geoffrey and everyone was at. When we found it, it took us even longer to find their particular plot, and we had to ask the park rangers — a really mean Janet Reno lady and this redhaired Opie boy — about a million times where the plot was. When we finally found it, everyone was gone, but Geoffrey had left a cute note scrawled on paper plate, pinned to his tent, that they would be back at 3:00.
We didn’t know what to do with ourselves then. We parked the car, and walked around for a REALLY long time looking for the Haunted House and the boardwalk. After an hour, we found it, but decided what we really wanted to do was eat (big surprise), so we went into this cute little pseudo-California Pizza Kitchen where the hostess gave us leis that color coordinated with our outfits. I was wearing this horrible little thing I had attempted to put together in the morning. I don’t have bathing suit, considering I can’t swim, but I really wanted something to wear to the beach, so I found these little blue shorts and a white halter top that squashed my breasts into oblivion. Add a pair of sunglasses that were too big for my face and I won the Creepiest Girl At the Beach award.
After lunch, I really wanted to go to the actual beach portion, so we found a nice space of sand, and shared one towel on it for an hour or so.
It was around 3:00 by then, so went back to the campsite to meet Geoffrey. He was there, looking really cute and tan. It seemed we had missed the barrage of theatre people — everyone had to be home by 7:00, so they had left early. Needless to say, I wasn’t really disappointed .. I wouldn’t have minded seeing Ryan and Jessica, but Geoffrey was enough for me. This cute girl Megan was there, also, and she had been camping with Geoffrey the entire weekend. She was really nice and looked like Alana Davis, so it was a cute combination.
The four of us decided to go out to dinner, so we found this nice restaurant called “Bubba’s Seafood” and sat outside for dinner. I had these huge crab legs that ended up in my lap by the end of the night.
After dinner, we went back to the campsite, and then went to this private portion of the beach to swim. Now, I love the ocean more than anything, but actually getting in it scares the crap out of me. With Geoffrey and Nick’s coaxing, however, I ended up pretty far in and felt proud of myself. It was really fun .. I was the last one to get out.
We took showers after that, and then made S’More’s in the fire. I kept ramming my marshmallows into the logs, so I used about 4656 of them. We played Uno for a while, and then went to the boardwalk of the private beach, took pictures and talked.
Nick and I had to leave by 8:00, so we bid Megan and Geoffrey a sad farewell, and got home in amazingly good time. We watched the season premiere of “Road Rules,”, and then our lovely night was over.
Yesterday was honestly the most fun I’ve had in a LONG time. At least it got my mind the upcoming dreaded 10 days. That’s plaguing me. Good God.
I think tonight will be a quiet night. We’re just gonna rent some movies and maybe make dinner.
Alas.
INSOMNIACISH RAMBLES:
Well, it’s 4:31 AM, and I quite possibly have the worst insomnia I’ve ever had in my life. I honestly cannot sleep. I’m tired — exhausted, actually, to the point where I can hardly type. But I can’t sleep. Subconsciously, I think I’m afraid to have any more moments where my mind will have a chance to reflect, and I’ll again be a victim to my own thoughts.
What an oddly traumatic day. So, I guess the main point here is that I can’t go to Wisconsin with Nick anymore. His grandmother made a comment to his dad about how everyone took advantage of her house by inviting non-family members, so, out of respect, he told Nick that I couldn’t go with them. That’s very understandable, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. And it’s sort of inconvenient because my family made all THEIR plans around my supposed cemented plans. What the hell? Like I care if it inconvienced anyone except me. I’m really, extremely selfish like that.
Nick was very upset about it, at the get-go, if you want to use that phrase. Then later that night, when we went to Wal-Mart and places to get our beach stuff, he seemed perfectly fine. Sort of. I just know that if our roles were reversed, I would be fighting my parents hardcore to let him go with us. Or I would throw an immature fit and refuse to go without him. But maybe I’m different. Maybe my parents are different.
I am.
They are.
10 days. 10 days without a boy whom, in the past year, I have not been separated more than two days from, and even that was painful. What am I going to do with myself? It takes absence, I guess, to realize how heavily dependent one is on a person. I’m sure he’ll miss me occasionally, but he’ll distract himself easily. It’s not that he doesn’t love me — I know he does — but he gets over stuff real quickly.
Not that I would want him to dwell the entire trip on me. Okay, yes, I do, but the mature thing to say is that I don’t. I sincerely hope, however, that he does enjoy himself.
I just know I’ll be completely miserable.
We’ve been each others only friends this year. I’m not close to Stephanie or Jason this year; Geoffrey is probably my next closest friend.
And then that’s it. Not that I need this big barrage of friends or anything. But I guess when your one source of entertainment leaves, it’s nice to have someone/thing else to turn to.
Oh, I will miss him. A lot. I’ve spent this entire day moping and crying more than I’d like to admit. So much, in fact, that I think that’s why I can’t sleep right now. It sucks. I’m supposed to be leaving for the beach in exactly 3 hours and 15 minutes.
The beach should be cute. We’re supposed to meet a bunch of people up there — people like Geoffrey, Ryan, Jessica, etc. Betsy will be there, too, but I know the minute she sees me she’ll go off on to a corner of the beach and cry or something until someone says something to her.
Good God, I’m even mean when I’m half asleep.
I’d rather just spend the day at the beach alone with Nick. I’m not sure I’ll be in an entirely social mood in three hours, and, considering my lack of sleep, I honestly don’t know if I’ll have the energy to be all happy-go-lucky with a bunch of theatre people. I know I’m one of them, but I’ll be the first to admit theatre people are the hardest to get along with. You have to cut through all the antics and the overdramatic shit to actually find a real personality in one of them. And by that time, it may not even be worth it anymore.
I’m so bitter about this whole Wisconsin thing. I’m gonna get a job, hopefully, did I say that already? I keep trying to think of the positive aspects of everything, like, I’ll learn to be more independent; I’ll make more friends; I’ll be more productive. But then I’ll think of Nick, relaxing at the lake with beautifully tempting tanned girls and boys filling the spots I should be sitting in.
I’m so paranoid for absolutely no reason. If anything, he shouldn’t trust me due to my shady relationship past. But he does, I think, and I trust him. Sort of. I do. I really think I do.
My eyes are burning. I really want to go to sleep. I guess I’ll try because I feel if I stay up any longer I’m gonna throw up.
Growl. Life was so much simpler before I was in love (cliche alert!).
But I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.
Well, school is officially out, and I’m officially a senior, that is if I passed English, which I still need to find out. I think I did. I really think I did. But I’m not sure.
Yesterday was graduation. Nick and I went to it, after several attempts at finding a good parking space and finally settling on a very illegal one. The actual graduation itself was quite lame and cliche-y, but there was still sort of a sadness that came with it. Granted, there aren’t that many seniors that I can honestly say I will miss, but the few that I will I managed to speak to after the event. It was hot as hell outside, so Nick and I didn’t dawdle in the courtyard.
My very illegaly parked car managed not to get a ticket, so that was a fortunate experience. We were extremely hungry after the graduation ordeal, but neither of us had any money, so we scrounged up change and bought 29 cent hamburgers at McDonald’s.
We went back to Nick’s house after that, and managed to do absolutely nothing for about 7 hours. We watched “Rocky Horror Picture Show,” and then fell asleep on the couch for a while. It was officially summer, it seemed .. we were already starting just to veg.
Then, around 9:00, we went to Carini’s with Geoffrey, his friend Francisco, Nick’s sister Julia and her friend Erin. The owner of Carini’s son was one of Julia’s friends, so we all got to eat in this special room in the back. It was extremely cute.
Nick and I then went to Geoffrey’s, and when we pulled up into the driveway Ranna and Betsy were there. I almost went home, but I then figured I wasn’t going to sacrifice something I wanted to do just because Betsy was there, so I hopped out of the car, and got into this long cute conversation with Nick and Ranna.
Ryan and Jessica came over there, and everything sorta got crazily hyper. It was really cute, except for the fact that Betsy and Francisco were moping on the front porch. Geoffrey, Ryan and I climbed on the roof of Geoffrey’s garage, and talked while Jessica and Nick had a heart-to-heart on the ground.
Betsy, Jessica and Ranna left afterwhile, and so the remaining four of us went into Geoffrey’s basement to watch some oddly titled movie. We had to go pretty soon after that, however..