I’m not sure what’s going on with me lately, health-wise. As we all know, I am quite sickly and tend to be ill 50% of the time, but lately the illnesses have been strange. For example, my sleep is restless and frightening in way. Last night, I woke up 4 AM, clawing at my chest, attempting to find a heartbeat. How scary is that? I’m not sure what dream I had been having .. I know I had had yet another dream in which I was fighting someone, but the heartbeat .. I don’t know what that was. I’m also getting these like terrible headaches — of course, I’ve always had sickly little headaches, but these really take me down and medicine doesn’t seem to be aiding them. At the end of Shakespeare today, I was literally shaking and seeing spots. Of course, my overdramatic hypochondria screams “brain tumour,” but we’ll leave it alone for now.
You know, I’ve decided my favourite class this year is history. It’s the first period of the day; I know the routine; I love the people and the teacher .. it just makes me feel happy and warm. Mr. Cook and I got on the topic of why the GOH hated me last year, and he made the point that our personalities are very similar .. which, again, made me begin to wonder what the hell personality I am giving off this year. I’m not sure I feel any of what everyone is telling me I am.
Sociology put me in a bad mood for the first time in a while. I’m not sure why — all I know is that I just hate “inside jokes.” Their only purpose of them is to make the inside-ees feel special, and to exclude everyone else around them. Not a great thing. It’s interesting because my Sociology teacher is actually pregnant for real while our mock-baby project is going on, and she’s going crazy with pregnancy symptoms — she had to leave the classroom to throw up today.
Just a random note, since we were talking about sex in Sociology today: it just seems so sad that so many people my age are having sex now. I mean, yes, I do, as well .. but it just seems .. I don’t know .. like so much is getting lost by kids having all this “adult” stuff so early .. like they have nothing to look forward to.
I don’t know.
In Creative Writing, I asked Dr. Parrish if she would write a college recommendation for me, and I was shocked at how military-like she was about it. Granted, I know I am definitely not the first person in the history of the world to ask her for a recommendation, but I just wanted it to be more special than just sitting down and asking me planned questions.
Oh, again .. I just don’t know.
Shakespeare was interesting because the GOH brought in this Shakespearean actor/playwright named Bo to come speak to our class. Now, Nick and I both had had previous experience with Bo due to the fact that the EvilDramaTeacher had brought him in to consult on A Midsummer’ s Night Dream two years ago, and I had not enjoyed Bo then. I can’t say he was any different personality-wise now, but he performed a speech from Hamlet that was just stellar! And I think that’s a lot coming from me because I am definitely not easy to please, especially if I already dislike a person. But what that taught me was that even if I didn’t love a person to death, I could still respect their work.
Life lesson!
That was when the monster headache hit, but Nick decided today was the day he wanted to stay after to work on the EvilPlay (well, the play actually isn’t that evil, but we’ll call it that for name’s sake) for our Shakespeare class. Remember how I had said my fear was that the EvilDramaTeacher would be rude and turn us away? I hadn’t REALLY expected that because I just assumed she would be professional about it and disregard our dislike for each other, but when Nick inquired about staying after, she basically blew him off rudely and told him to try back sometime next week.
But .. alas. What can you expect?
So, we went home. To my house, that is, and just chilled cutely like normal. Again, I was telling Nick how I can’t wait to get out of Chester .. it’s just like I have so much trash and guilt and emotions lurking here, and I need to remove myself from it. I think this place is half the reason I’m going so awry.
You know what’s eerie? Since we started talking about the “older generation” in Sociology, I started thinking about my father a lot, who is an older parent at 64 years old. I’m so nervous about his death, because I know it will come sooner for me that most kids .. he’s healthy and everything, but still .. anyway, I’ve been dwelling on that in the back of my mind this whole week, and when he picked me up from the police station today (my mom’s work — I had gone there to type my college application), we were in his car, which I haven’t been in in forever. His odometer and travel-meter had been stuck at the same numbers for a while, and tonight, I just happened to glance over at them — the odometer was stuck at exactly 65,000 miles and the travel-meter at 000. My father turns 65 next July. Anyone want to travel the symbolic route and put the 65 and 000 together?
That scared me.
But, anyway .. I’m just over-emotional today. Nothing new. I have an extension on my Shakespeare paper, so I’m going to write that tonight, I guess. I also have an English paper. I’m so sick of school.
Oh! Nick loved Riverdance. He’s like obsessed with Ireland now, and is proud to have an Irish girlfriend.
Alright, goodnight .. pray that I have non-threatening dreams tonight.
Being pretty damn Irish myself, it seems that I should be the one attending a performance of Riverdance tonight, but no, Nick is sitting in the balcony of the Landmark Theatre as we speak, listening to the undulations of tapping feet. He won a ticket in a Show Choir raffle, and I’m glad he’s able to attend the event because he has wanted to see this damn show for 354704 years now.
I have a seven-paragraph Shakespeare paper to write. Am I writing it?
Well, no.
How cute could last night have possibly been?
First of all, our child — Aven Augustine — is now fully decorated and dressed, all by Nick. It’s very creative, actually — he attached my real hair to the precious bag of sugar. Of course, that hair is left over from when I hacked off like six inches last year, and he so romantically kept it. At first, when I saw the child, hair and all, I was creeped out and not pleased, which turned into a little hurt-feelings on Nick’s side, but we both apologized sweetly in Sociology. Everyone adored the baby, anyway.
After school, Nick came over and I taught him how to make fried potatoes, which is my favourite meal in the world, and probably one of the most unhealthy. So, we made dinner with our little literally sweet Aven at our side, and felt completely parental.
We chilled for a while. Of course, the main event that night was the VH1 Fashion Awards, which were honestly invented for Nick. In the meantime, we went by Dairy Queen and got lots of ice cream and then settled in my house, where we watched the Awards.
Nick was sooo damn adorable. He kept getting all worked up about everything, and then going into 5 minute giddy monologues about what he liked or disliked. I lovedit. According to him, the only good thing that came out of the Awards was that Alexander McQueen won Avant Garde Designer of the Year. I happen to agree!
Today was also pretty wondermous. I dressed in a semi-diva outfit, and I was not in the mood for it, so I kinda turned into a ratty little girl for the rest of the day. I got yet another 92 on a physics quiz, so I was deliriously happy, but I pretty much ruined that happiness by failing a test that same period. Ohwell! In my aide period, I worked on the yearbook for what felt like hours, but it was a lot of fun because I got to see everyone’s senior pictures.
In English, Mr. Storino made the comment that I was a very “serious young lady” and that, in so many words, I didn’t appreciate his humour. That’s odd because a) I can’t say that I’m that serious and b) I think he’s sooooo funny. Then I got to thinking that he’s probably misinterpreting my facial expressions which, as I told Nick, is like my tragic flaw in life or something — my face never seems to portray what I’m actually thinking .. everyone always seems to misinterpret my facial expressions. But, THEN I got to thinking that I sort of unintentionally play a different character in every class I have. In History, I’m this mature, better-than-everyone-but-nice type of person. In English, I’m about the same way, but add pseudo-intelligent into the factor. In Creative Writing, I just come off awkward and dumb because I am constantly trying to say something “cute” or “funny.”
Anyway .. I forgot my point in that last paragraph .. ohyes .. well, I think that I just find it impossible to maintain one personality in each class. Like there are different people and different teachers, so I have to be different .. hmm, that sounds like a case of low self-esteem, yes?
Enough of that tangent!
At lunch, I felt ratty and gross, as did Erica, so I dubbed myself a “pregnant migrant worker” and she was a “fat, depressed bag lady.” I do so love Erica — now she is a person that never needs characters.
You know who else is kinda nice? This boy named Eric in my English class — he’s not that smart or anything, but everything he says is completely sincere. Now that is talent.
I came home and slept. I am still kinda fluish, but hopefully, it’s going away.
I made that particular picture the banner because it has proven to be popular with a number of people. Justin, Sean’s brother, mentioned he had gone to my webpage. The interesting thing is that all these people mention my webpage around my DG, so duh, that probably means he goes to it. Ohwell. I’m not sure I really care — it’s more for writing material than anything.
Sighhhh .. if only that were true.
How cute! My mom just called me from her cellphone and asked me if I wanted anything from Burger King. God knows I don’t need to eat anymore .. I have been a little chubbereater lately.
So much to do, and the time just keeps getting shorter.
Alas!
“Calling for myself .. in the corners of the world ..”
Have you ever looked at a sincerely happy picture of yourself and wondered, “How the hell was I ever like that?”
You know, just as I am led to believe that things have changed and that the world can be viewed in colours other than red, it slowly creeps up again. Who knows if it’s just a random slice from the unhappy cake or if it’s the same nasty virus?
Probably both.
Lately, I have been sleeping hard. The type of sleep that when you wake up, you are just like, “Damn.” Your head is heavy, your dreams were symbollicaly horrific and you are groggy for the next hour. Like, last night when Nick called to invite me to Pleasantville, I had been asleep, and the phone jarred me out of some hard dream. I had dreamt I was walking with Nick, and was explaining to him why all of Geoffrey’s brothers are gay (this is not true in real life). The only reason I was explaining this to him, however, was because I had an affair with the older brother Matthew (again, not a real-life figure), and was feeling guilty about it. Then Nick turned into my mother, and we were climbing this ladder to an attic, and she couldn’t get up the ladder, and finally gave up. Nick’s Gucci bathing suit was randomly lying around on a wooden table, inside out.
And then the phone rang. I was so out-of-it that it took me ten minutes to even realize to whom I was speaking.
“Whom” is the direct object of “speaking.”
Pleasantville was, well, pleasant. At first, it seemed kind of mundane and hackneyed, but it gently crept into a fairly good movie. Nick and his father made the comment that perhaps some of the symbolism was a bit too subtle, and that some things weren’t developed enough, which was true. My theory, however, is that if a movie can leave me with some sort of feeling afterwards, then it was successful.
Saving Private Ryan did not pass that theory.
Wanna fight?
After the movie, we all went to Arby’s, where it was freezing, despite the various electrical fire places. One little girl was huddled against the fire like a little Les Miserables peasant girl. It was cute to sit around with Nick’s family and just relax. No stress. No tension. Just sitting around, existing.
I was grumpy this morning. Every school morning now, I seriously contemplate just going home. I contemplate it all the way into the parking lot and until the last period of the day. Then I go home, and contemplate about not going to school the next day.
Nick was giving out his Senior Pictures at school today. I think that’s such an egotistical practice, but maybe that’s because I have no one to give mine to.
Not that it matters, right?
I felt pretty ill all day. It feels like some foreign flu is invading my body, and half of me hopes there is. Then I will have a valid excuse not to go to school, and to just sleep all day and eat soup and drink orange juice and have people concerned for my health.
But I must persevere on.
After school, Nick and I bought our baby at Ukrop’s. It’s a 5-pound bag of Ukrop’s very own brand of sugar, and the first thing Nick did with it when we got back into the car was accidentally drop it.
I thought that was hilarious. So, when he passed it to me, I “accidentally” dropped it as well. Apparently, he had already formed a fatherly bond with the sugar in the five minutes we had owned it, and he got upset at my antics. Such a selectively-upset boy he is.
.. which lead to a little skirmish in his driveway. Nothing big — just the same old stuff we’ve been throwing around for a while. My pride’s attorney spoke for me and told him that I didn’t care about his reactions to anything. He seemed to honestly believe that, which led me to ask the question, “Am I really that good of an actress?” I have managed to convince hordes of people now that I could could care less of their existence in my life, which couldn’t be further from the truth. I have too much pride, and Nick knows that, and I guess my eyes, which he has claimed to be able to “read so well,” are in the act as well now. I can fool even him. What an accomplishment.
Doesn’t everyone know that when I claim not to care I care the most?
Silly me for never saying what I mean.
So, I came home, felt utterly sick, and fell asleep for what felt like hours, but in essence, was only about two. Again, I slept hard and hot, and this time had some twisted dream about college. Ever since Daylight Savings Time occurred yesterday at the o-clock of 2 in the AM, time has seemed to have slown (new word) to a virtual stop. It drags and pulls me down with it. Maybe time is making me sick.
I ate Neopolitan, sugar-free ice cream while drinking iced tea and watching “Chicago Hope” on Lifetime.
I kind of a lot of homework to do tonight. But .. as we have all noticed, I won’t be doing it tonight. As my moods dictates everything else, it also dictates the completion of my homework.
Tomorrow I think Nick and I are going to do our mandatory volunteer work with the EvilDramaTeacher and the EvilPlay. I’m not looking forward to it. I wanted to avoid the drama department at all costs this year, but I guess I’m supposed to get something out of it. I just have this vision of her refusing to allow Nick and I to help her, and then us returning to the GOH with the news, and a whole big controversy arising ..
.. because my life revolves around conflict, right?
I feel like I am on some kind of drug.
Anyway. I guess I’ll go back to bed. But not after eating some leftover Hamburger Helper because I am hungry and bored.
God forbid the day my metabolism slows down, right?
I need to start labeling these angsty updates.
God forbid I ever write a not-so-happy update without adding a self-conscious disclaimer, right?
Goodnight.
I have been up since 9:30 AM, which is honestly the earliest I have ever gotten up on a weekend without a purpose. It was kinda of nice — I randomly cleaned the kitchen and living room, did the laundry and dishes, and played outside with the dogs. It made me feel like I was a single girl living by myself.
Anyway. This weekend has been sweet and tame. Friday during school, nothing of real big note happened. I got a B on a history test I thought I failed, so that was very nice. Ohyeah — me and Nick are married for Sociology. You know those hackneyed projects where students have to carry around an egg and pretend it’s their child? Well, Nick and I are the proud parents of a 5-pound bag of sugar. We even had to randomly draw income from a hat, and combined, we make $40,000 a year. Our lovely bag of sugar is a boy and is named Aven Augustine. Long story.
After school, we ran around Chester for a bit. I went back to A&N, and the manager was like, “Come back Monday,” so that’s what I’m going to do.
We went out to dinner at Applebee’s, where we haven’t been in a long time. We used to frequent that place like three times a week last year, but alas .. things have changed. After dinner, we went to see “Apt Pupil.”
Well, it was interesting. Definitely creepy, and definitely not bad. Just one of those a-little-more-than-mediocre-but-not-exactly-great movies. Of course, ever since I saw Beloved, nothing compares.
Saturday we went up to the evil Daniel Butler to pick up Nick’s senior pictures. It’s cute because Nick was driving the new car, which is a stick shift, and though he drives it very well, he’s still not exactly used to it and he was all nervous about driving in front of me. We did, however, manage to get the pictures, and then head back to his house, where we made popcorn shrimp and watched The Real World.
Sorry this is such a summary. It’s just that if I don’t write for a couple of days, I don’t have the patience to make it as good as it should be.
Anyway. We then went to the mall to get his hair cut, and then went back to my house, where we chilled sufficiently while being cute.
And here I sit, at 11:42 AM, drinking my coffee, and wondering what do with the rest of the day. I should probably work on my scholarship essays, but alas .. that will come sometime.
I’ll probably write more tonight.
I am so dumb. Alright, I finished the objective portion of my history test at 8, meaning I had plenty of time to complete my history essay, my sociology essay and my Creative Writing story. However, it is 9:30 now, and all I have done is drink tea, do laundry and groan at my computer.
So, that means I have a good two hours of work ahead of me. And what am I doing? Updating my website.
Everytime Nick gets online now, he is like doing 547604 other things, and there are always these long pauses between his IMs. It’s impossible to carry on any conversation. It’s like a phone conversation where the other person is watching TV or something, and is obviously not paying attention to the conversation at hand. EX:
ZOSIA: Hey, what did you think of the Soc paper today?
::5 minutes later::
NICK: it was okay
ZOSIA: Did you get it done?
::10 minutes later::
NICK: yeah
Frustrating. But, understandable because he has to do his work. I guess SOME of us are just more proficient on the computer. But ohwell.
I’m going by A&N tomorrow to talk with the manager. I really hope I get the job because I would really like to have some money. I wonder if Clint still works there. It doesn’t bother me, but I’m sure it will nettle his cynical little head if I’m there.
I’m going to start work at Dillard’s in January, however, regardless if I get the job at A&N or not because the lady said she would hire me when I turn 18.
Have I mentioned how much I want to be in college right now? More specifically, out of the state? It seems so damn close, but I can honestly not get there fast enough. I cannot wait to have a dorm room of my own, and be able to lie next to my boyfriend on my bed and not have anyone have a heart attack over it. I can’t wait to be able to go somewhere and not have to worry about calling anyone to tell them where I am. I can’t wait to roam freely around the streets of New York. I cannot wait just to start over with new people and new places and new things and not be confined to the same damn people I have know for 7 years, even though some of them are perfectly nice people, but still, it would be great to see some new faces. I cannot wait to let go of my grudges and dislikes here, and take hold of new ones in the city. I WANT TO HATE AND LOVE ALL NEW PEOPLE AND THINGS!
I wonder if I’ll be homesick .. I’m sure I will since, in all generalizations, I had a great homelife with great parents and everything. But I have felt confined since the day I entered middle school, so I know the freedom is going to be overwhelming to me. I just want to make some sort of name for myself .. it was cute .. in physics, Chris was quizzing me about my various college plans, and when I told him about majoring in theatre and going to New York, he said I could come back to the school and they would frame one of my dresses, like they framed the boy’s jersey who became the pro football player from our school.
All I was thinking was: the hell if I am coming back to this school
I don’t hate it. I just have no emotional attachment to it. Probably the only teacher I’ll truly, truly wish to see again is Dr. Parrish.
Anyway. Shit. I need to write about the damn preamble to the Constitution. I’m beginning to hate writing essays, while I actually used to sort of like them. Well, it doesn’t matter .. essays aren’t my life or my career choice.
I have that new Alanis Morrissette song running through my head. It’s actually kind of pretty, though I am bit tired of liking female singers right now. I still love them all, of course, but I’m just in the mood for good, strong voices and not wispy little angsty female ones.
Alright. I will work now.
Goodnight!
Whoops. Didn’t finish that last entry.
Well, Dillard’s didn’t exactly work out. Nick and I went up there last night and made the discovery that one has to be 18 years of age to be hired. That’s not too much of a problem for Nick since he’ll be 18 in three weeks, but since I have until January, it’s pretty much out for me. I was, however, determined to get a damn job, so we caroused Chester. I finally applied at A&N, and hopefully, it looks promising.
But who knows?
It was damn cold today, and I loved it. Everyone at school was bundled up in their little sweaters and winter jackets, and it just made everything seem unified and cute. It rained, as well, which was good because my first period is in a trailer and the rain was hitting the outside windows.
I have so much to do tonight. You wouldn’t believe it. A take-home test, two essays and a short-story. Shit.
English was kinda a let-down. I’ve been this star student in his class and he’s loved me to death, but now I seem to be slipping in his eyes. He had to yell at me to stop talking today in class. And then he gave me a B on my personal writing, which isn’t horrible, but I’m used to As in that class. Ohwell — perfection is not something I’m good at.
I “chilled” at Nick’s after school. Tomorrow, we’re seeing Apt Pupil. I’ve read half the Stephen King story, and it’s about World War II, so of course I’m going to love it. I saved up my lunch money to see it.
Remember the girl who I said I was becoming good friends with now, even though I hated her in the first two years of high school? Well, that’s progressing and I think it’s really cute. I’m randomly getting into actual conversations with people I didn’t even say “hi” to last year. It’s good, but nervewracking at the same time.
I feel like I have the flu. I keep having these awful dreams lately! Like, last night I dreamt my mother was an “axe murderer” and she was trying to kill me. Max, from SOM ‘97 and OUAM ‘98, had to save me. And then I had a random dream about Stephen Ankiel.
Grrrrrr. I need to start on all that damn work, but I am sooooo tired and I would love to crawl in my bed right now and sleep. All my windows are open in my room, so it’s freezing in here. But, I like it.
Alright. To work.
I had a really frightening graphic up here for like two hours. I hope at least a few people saw it because it was strange and scary, but I had to take it down due to the fact that I hate blinking animation shit.
Well! I think me and Nicky are going to work at Dillard’s for Christmas. My mom has some sort of “in,” and they’re hiring, so there you go. I think most of the money I make from this hopeful-job is going to go towards college, however .. Marymount is much more expensive than we all thought, and I want to help my parents out as much as I can. I’m about to run to the mall to get applications as soon as I get a hold of Nick.
Nothing exciting at all, besides that little fact. There was a substitute in Creative Writing, so my Vonnegut presentation was delayed yet again, which I was kind of happy about because any sort of delay on projects is a good thing for me. So, we read and wrote some, and then the Creative Writing II crew just messed around. The sub was some evil lady with a lot of hairspray, so we tried to piss her off at the end of the period by sitting in inappropriate positions at our desks.
Gotta love my DG. You JUST GOTTA LOVE HIM.
Anyway, Shakespeare was a bit interesting. I made some random comment about how I disliked Saving Private Ryan and that apparently set the entire class off, most especially two individuals we will call TwoFacedFemale and TwoFacedMale. A little background on TFF and TFM: TFM and I was gorgeously good friends for a long while, until I discovered his rather annoying penchant to talk about everyone behind their back — NO ONE was sacred to him. This boy is so starved for insecurity, that he will agree with whatever any bad comment someone has to say about anyone else. TFF is the same way, and she is now best friends with TFM — how fitting. Of course, they bash each other behind their backs.
It’s the damn drama people, I tell you.
Anyway, TFM gotta a little fiesty, so I gave all my reasoning for disliking the movie, and then TFF had to add some muttering comment behind my back, and I turned to her and basically told her to shut up. She gave me a “threatening look” (which is nothing from her considering she is a pusillaniomous type-of-girl who has not the strength to tell people to their face how she feels, hence the name), and I just smiled. So, as I was leaving the classroom, the duo were behind me, probably bashing me. Ah, it wouldn’t be high school without this sort of thing.
But, that’s kinda a generalization, isn’t it? I think two-facedness pretty much permeates all of society, but it’s just more prevelant in high school because we’re all squashed together in a teenage atmosphere.
Ohwell .. all I know is that, for the most part, if I dislike a person, they pretty much know it. Granted, that’s not the best way, at least in the biblical sense, but at least it’s the truthful way.
Everyone in Shakespeare started making the “fiery redhead” comment when I started my diatribe against…
Aww, happy anniversary to me and Nick! Nine months today, which means we could’ve had a child by now. In fact, my lab group and I sat in physics and came up with various names for my pseudo-child. In all actuality, Nick I have been going out for like a year and three months, but there are many factors that keep that particular date from being a true anniversary, so we will settle for the 20th.
I bought the Barenaked Ladies’ new CD on Saturday just because I absolutely adore One Week. Unfortunately, the rest of the CD is nothing like that one song. In fact, it’s an odd mixture of country, 50s pop, Smashing Pumpkins (just one song) and REM. I don’t really like it, but I’m listening to it over and over again in order to force myself to enjoy it.
Today was a pretty nice day — the weather was breezy, the people were calm .. everything was pretty good. Second period was extended for three damn hours because the juniors and sophomores had to take PSATS. So, I sat in physics for three hours, and talked to Jamie, Blake and Jeremy about couple-related things. For most of that time, we gave Jeremy suggestions on what to give his girlfriend for Christmas. It was kind of amusing, though pointless .. it did, however, make the three hours go by extremely fast.
English was just normal. Mr. Storino went over this same damn grammar exercise we have been going over for like two weeks, while interjecting his thoughts on Cajun cooking. Such a zany class. We also took a little grammar quiz, which I know I did horrible on, thus ruining my perfection of an A in that class. Ohwell.
After school, Nick and I went up to Fort Lee so he could get more blood drawn. I swear, we need to take up some sort of residency in there or Fort Lee should give us a scholarship because we are up there so damn much.
It’s only Tuesday. Ahhh. I have a lot of work to do tonight. Nick and I have to start working on our next video project. Aren’t video projects just synonymous with Nick and I? Let’s see .. here are a list of our joint projects (though they are more Nick’s than mine):
MACBETH: this was probably the most infamous. If you can’t recall, Nick and I did this scene from Macbeth for his English class last year, but we modernized it by having me sit in a hottub in a little black bra and him drive a Mercedes.
FARFALLA: this was the video project for theatre that Nick produced last year, which of course wasn’t well-received by the EvilDramaTeacher, but that was to be expected. I ran around various parts of nature in my prom dress to the music of Sarah McLachlan.
SHAKESPEAREAN SONNET: this was our latest-joint project. My part in it was pretty tame — in my costume for OUAM ‘98, I just did various silly things while reciting a sonnet I had memorized. Nick, however, was chained to a bed in tiny Gucci swimsuit while reciting his.
Who knows what the next shall be! But, alas .. I must start researching Kurt Vonnegut in some form or another.
I do need some sort of a little “signature” or “closing” to each of my updates, but I can’t think of anything. Any suggestions?
Oh! Speaking of suggestions, I have to get a damn job. So suggestions on that are welcome as well.
I know you won’t believe this, but I actually had another good day! This is like three in a row. Hopefully, this means that all the teenage angst is out of my system for the moment, and I can just enjoy a normal, stress-filled life.
I had a very large Creative Writing Project due today, and I procrastinated on it for days and days, and then ended up printing out some hurried random notes on the internet. The project was a book/author talk on Kurt Vonnegut, whom I know enough about just to “wing” it, but I never want to just “wing” something in Creative Writing, especially since Dr. Parrish is the goddess of all teachers. Fortunately, the other four Creative Writing II students took up the entire period, thus, as always, leaving me luckily with more time.
Otherwise, the school day was very uneventful. The GOH gave a very difficult quiz on this small-print handout thing she gave us the other day. I swear, this class is going to bring me heartache — not only are we required to go see the EvilDramaTeacher’s production of Romeo and Juliet at school, we are also required to put in volunteer hours with the play — ugh! It’s just what Nick and I wanted to avoid by not taking theatre this year, but I guess we have to be professional about it and just put in the hours. It, however, will not be fun.
Oh! The main event of the day was my acquisition of Sunset Boulevard tickets! They went on sale today, and I had begged mom to go the TicketMaster place early so we could get good seats, and she did a wondermous job — we’re in the Orchestra, second row, center. I cannot wait! As much as I love RENT, I honestly do believe that Sunset Boulevard is my favorite musical. I don’t know .. I kinda go through phases with the two. ANYWAY .. I cannot wait until December 11, when I will be viewing this fabulous musical!
Also, my trip to New York is pretty much set now. I was hoping we could take the entire weekend, but unfortunately, hotel accomadations are damn expensive, so we’re just going for two days in November. We’re going to take an extensive tour of the school (I know I haven’t gotten the damn link to Marymount correct yet), and then just do various New York stuff. Sometimes I feel so hackneyed about being excited about going to New York when people like Rebekah (who mentioned me on her page today!) have lived there all their lives .. it’s like I’m a little Virginia girl .. but, alas .. New York will be my home soon!
I don’t think there’s anything else of note .. my DG was unbearably cute today, as was Nick who was in this little red soccer jersey, which belonged to JTT.
My feud with JTT died out quickly. I just think he thinks I don’t like him, which is true to a point, but Nick adores him, so I have to trust his opinion. JTT and I talked for like two seconds in the hallway today, and he’s just awkward as hell around me. Ohwell!
I can’t wait until December. I think that’s my favorite month of the year — the cold weather, the holiday season, PLUS .. my viewage of Sunset Boulevard this year!
I’ll probably write later tonight ..
-Jenn- (is that a trite signature?)
“Would you please forgive me .. while I cannot love myself, I’ll use something else ..”
Well, now, I’ve been having a bit of mouse trouble for the past few days.
You see, I have a cordless mouse, which makes it a good object to throw in a fit of anger, which is exactly what I did the other day, and I broke it. I don’t know what I particularly broke on it, but all I know is when I placed it back on my little Atlanta 1996 mousepad, it didn’t work. So, I replaced it with the mouse from downstairs, which is not nearly as cool or chic as my cordless black mouse, but it will do for now.
This has been a fabulous weekend. Simply wondermous, which makes up for the hell that the past couple of weekends have been.
On Friday, we were going to go to dinner, but we were both hazy and tired from the week, so we just stayed in and cuddled, and attempted to watch bad Friday night TV. Nick ended up falling asleep and snoring really loudly, and it was cute as hell.
Nick had driving school on Saturday for his little speeding ticket he received like in June, so I went on various shopping trips. Then, on Saturday night, we viewed “Beloved.”
OHMYGOD .. I cannot express my love for that movie. Nick and I were like in this stunned silence for the entire three hours it was on. It was so original and risky and wonderful, and deserves any award that could possibly be given out for a movie. The theatre was completely sold-out, and the audience was so immature. They would burst out laughing at the most inappropriate parts.
I won’t say anymore about it. Just go see it. It was amazing. For anyone who thought “Saving Private Ryan” was good .. it can’t even began to compare to “Beloved.”
Alright, remember JTT, the boy who wants to be best friends with Nick so bad he can’t stand it, AND the boy who spent the night at Nick’s the other night? Well, now he’s sending me like mean e-mails. Whoa. I just sent him a harassing IM. This is kind of cute in a screwed-up way.
On second thought, no it’s not. He’s an asshole, no matter what Nick says.
Anyway, today, I went over to Nick’s and we ate dinner with his parents, and just did cute stuff. I love his parents .. they’re so cute and funny.
Alright, this JTT stuff put me in a bad mood, so I’m just gonna stop writing for now.
‘night ..
YES .. I am in a good mood! Temporary, I’m sure, but I’m planning to savour it while it lasts. My soundtrack for the past month or so has been the latest Dave Matthews CD (well, tape, in my case), and I honestly can’t get enough of it. I love, love, love it so much. “Pig” is my orgasm song on it.
Today was pretty cute. I didn’t do my homework last night, but it didn’t seem to matter since my history teacher didn’t even check. Actually, the morning started a little rough .. I wore this random 70s outfit (tight jeans with high heels!), so I was feeling a bit self-conscious and when Nick didn’t give me immediate lavish praise, I got upset. But, I got over it. Now that I think of it, Sociology didn’t really go well, either. That’s just such a dissension class .. Nick and I always seem to get in our most intense discussions in the middle of that class. I know the teacher thinks we are problematic and crazy.
BUT, I don’t want to talk about bad stuff. Creative Writing was cute as hell. I just love that class so much. It’s relaxing and accepting and enjoyable, even though I think Dr. Parrish may kill the Creative Writing II students before the years is over because we cannot stop talking.
Damn my Demi-God for being so cute in that class.
Shakespeare was cute, as well. We finally finished all of Romeo and Juliet, and I think the GOH actually likes me this year. I have huge handwriting, so when timed essays are given in class, I usually end up writing a superfluous amount of pages due to my huge handwriting, and she gave us a timed writing today, and on the paper, she made a cute little joke about how big my handwriting was.
Little things like that make me happy.
What else makes me happy is this odd friendship I am forming with this girl that I disliked so much my freshman and sophomore year. My reasons were kind of flimsy and materialistic — I mainly didn’t like her because Jason was like in love with her, but now she and I are actually sorta friends. It’s amazing what you can discover about a person when you let your guard down.
Nick came over after school, and we just “chilled,” which is something we haven’t done in quite a while. He even ate dinner over here for the first time in like 475094 years. My entire family randomly got on this intense discussion on why Hawaii could secede from the nation and our thoughts on the death penalty. Such a great mood-setter for pork chops and biscuits.
Megan, Nick’s sister’s friend, and her brother, JTT (I’ve talked about him before) are spending the night at Nick’s house tonight because their parents are out of town. Sure, I’m jealous because they get to have a fun little slumber party while I’m stuck doing like 30 trillion physics problems. But, alas, tomorrow is Friday and all good things should come with Fridays.
Ohyeah — I’m going to New York in November to tour the college I so desperately want to go to. It’s Marymount Manhattan, of course, and I am so damn excited to go. I’m nervous as hell, though, because of the audition process and everything. But, I do believe I am good enough to get in — I just hope that belief is true.
I’m going to do homework today. I’ve dropped all my grades this week, but I am determined to bring them back up! I hope my English teacher doesn’t corner me about not turning in the rewrite for my paper — his initial impression of me was that I was intelligent and studious, so he’ll have to get used to the real me, which is intelligent and lazy as hell.
Anyway, I leave with a possibly-trite quote, but one I love nonetheless:
“From the dark side, we can see the glow of something bright.”
Alright, a dilemma I delineated earlier today just worsened in a weird way.
I should write all of this in a “journal” or something, but the idea of diaries and journals has become so hackneyed to me, and this is a WebJournal, so I guess it could be considered my personal journal.
Anyway, I called up Nick tonight and asked him if he wanted to go on a walk. See, it’s the little things that are killing me right now, and I have no idea why. It seems like I’m being picky and ridiculous, but all these tiny random things are bothering me as if they are huge tragedies. Like Nick said he would call me when he got back from picking his mother up — when I called him around 7, he was just lounging around reading magazines. Not a big deal, but I guess in my sensitive head right now I interpretated it as he didn’t care.
Well, I asked him if he wanted to go on a walk, and he was eager about the idea for like 15 minutes, when suddenly he felt “fluish,” so I just went over to his house instead. I had “been better” (as I told him), so I just curled up in a ball next to him, and we talked.
This sounds so angsty. It disgusts me even to write about it.
Anyway, so we started being cute, and I was a in a better mood. We went down to the kitchen, and got really out-of-hand-silly. It was all cute and fun and happy, and then his sister’s friend Megan and her mother came over to discuss some plans about Megan spending the weekend with Julia. Here again kicked the “let’s leave Jennifer out of the conversation.” It was so horrible. For 15 minutes, they all talked around me with cutesy little inside jokes I didn’t understand, and made plans about what a great weekend they would have with each other.
I know it sounds petty to be upset about this. It’s just that I am not a part of anything anymore. Absolutely nothing. I don’t have any inside jokes with anyone; no one to have a “great weekend” with. Of course, I have Nick — but it’s impossible for him to have fun with me the way I am right now, so no wonder he’s excited about one of his sister’s friends spending the night.
I know I pushed everyone away. But, it’s like .. even I hadn’t pushed everyone away .. would I still not belong to anything?
It’s one thing to be ostracized at school .. but with your boyfriend .. a little something dies inside me.
WHOA, overdramatic.
I’m going to bed, once again, having not done any homework. But fuck that. Senior grades don’t count, right? Whoops, I said fuck again, so my apologies to anyone who tries to access this from the school server.
Well, here is what we made our entrance in at Homecoming. We’re standing in front of Leslie’s, my brother’s girlfriend, car. Don’t we look cheerful and exuburent and like everything is good in the world? As we all know, the night ended in complete disaster. So, any emotion we may have had in that picture disapated two hours later.
Anyway. You know, I’d hate to go through an entire update and be insincere about what’s really going on in my life right now. I rarely put anything too personal on here because I feel like I have to have some things that are sacred just to me. Things, however, are just not good, to use a very mild adjective.
I have a few problems. Behavioral problems, it seems. In the past couple of months (or a year, if you want to be broad), I have had no control over my moods. Ohsure, in school, with people I’m not closely associated with, I can usually play the fake-happy game, but when I get in the presence of people close to me, I lose control over my behavior. This is why Homecoming was ruined — because I couldn’t maintain a mood.
Anyway, it has become a problem, at home and with Nick. I’m acting in a way which is detrimental to everything that could possibly be good for me. Damn it, this all sounds so essay-formal and clinical the way I’m explaining it. I’m just not comfortable to go beyond that, though. It’s just that 95% of the time I am either uncontrollably angry or on the verge of tears. I think my BC (I love my cute little abbreviations) is heightening those feelings, but whatever is the case, things cannot go on like this. I just feel so teenage-angsty saying “yeah, I’ll go talk to someone about it,” but I guess that’s what I have to do.
I guess I just feel if I write about here, then it gives me motivation to do something about it, and not just pretend that it’s some teenage phase.
Anyway. Onto different things.
This morning was nice. Nick had to go get blood drawn, so I was in the car myself, and once in a while, it’s a good thing just to be alone. I got gas and coffee, and then sat in the parking lot and studied history. This week alone has pulled down my grades because I hit an apathy speed bump, which isn’t uncommon, but can’t be continued. Like, I think I completely failed the objective portion of my history test yesterday. History today was fine, however, and I think I did mediocre on the essay portion.
Physics was mundane and slow, but I’m actually attempting my hardest in that class, which is a good thing considering it’s my most difficult class. Stephanie, who is in that class, and I no longer speak at all — I even passed her in the parking lot of 7-11 this morning, and just felt no desire to wave to her.
The rest of the day was fine, fine, fine. I had a Senior Conference after school, and for some reason, it put me in a bad mood. My counselor could tell, and kept asking me thousands of questions about my well-being, but I pulled it off as “allergies.” College is coming closer and becoming more real, but my excitement level isn’t really growing. I’m nervous about going, especially to New York. If I let my nerves take over, I would stay in Virginia and go to some tiny banal school, but alas, that’s not the way to go about what I want.
So, I was in a bad mood and then I went by Nick’s, and took out my down-period on him. Of course, I randomly started crying after like being the typical girlfriend and complaining that he doesn’t spend enough time with me. What the hell was that? We spend probably more time together than we should, so I don’t know why I even said that. These past few days, he’s had to look for jobs and stuff, but otherwise .. I don’t know. I’m just not being supportive towards him, and I hate it, because I want to, but it’s like I can’t get past myself.
Since this seems to be a bit of problematic update, I’ll delineate even further the minute stresses that seem to be creeping up. It’s probably because I’ve been a bitch to just about everyone I know, but .. a lot of people simply ignore me now. No, it’s not like a “I want someone to pay attention to me” type of thing .. it’s more like, when people — who I usually talk to, as well — speak to Nick, I might as well be not even next to him. I’m actually thinking of one specific example, but there have been a few minor incidents. It sounds so petty to be complaining about people not talking to me, especially coming from me, who claimed she was independent and misanthropic at the beginning this year. But, I just suddenly wish that I had taken the time to be nice to people last year.
So many grievances. And I shouldn’t even care about half of them, but it’s like I suddenly feel weirder and more left out than I ever have before. I intentionally distance myself people and I know that, but it’s like I’ve done it so much now that no one wants to even make the effort to talk to me.
Or it could because I’m just strange and bitchy.
ANYWAY .. side notes .. a completely horrible story I had to enter into the newspaper for Creative Writing won the contest and is going to be published. I’m not necessarily happy because the story was damn awful, and even my teacher agreed it wasn’t my best work. But, ohwell .. it wasn’t like I planned to start an illustrious writing career in Virginia.
I don’t think there is anything else to discuss at this moment. Ohyeah — when I tried to access my webpage from the school computer, it was “forbidden” because it had the word “fuck” in it. I just thought that was rather amusing.
Anyway. Goodbye, for now.
I’m eating potato and ham soup right now. I don’t know if I mentioned this previously, but ever since had that wonderful potato-chive-crabmeat soup at Portabella’s after the last performance of OUAM ‘98, I’ve been having cravings for soup. This potato and ham deal isn’t really feeding my craving that well, but alas .. I will have to deal with it.
Well, homecoming. It was kind of disastrous, and disastrous to such proportions that I don’t want to talk about it here. It began pretty wondermously — Nick and I both looked stellar (I’ll have pictures up tomorrow) .. but, it just wasn’t the same. Homecoming last year represented so much for us — it was like our debut into the school society as not only a couple, but a very avant garde couple. This year .. we had no motivation.
Enough about that.
A cute thing about the night, however, was that half the homecoming population ended up in Wal-Mart before the dance. We got there too early, so we went over to Wal-Mart and met up with Chris, Sarah, Mike and Ashley.
This soup is so gross.
I did get to see Geoffrey at the end of the night. In a “shimmer of tears,” I went to his house, and we stayed up, trying to break into the Virginia Tech math emporium. It was fun and distracting and I loved it.
My grades are awesome. For no reason, here they are:
HISTORY: B+
PHYSICS: B
SOC: B
CREATIVE WRITING: A
ENGLISH: A
SHAKESPEARE: A
I was really jubilant about my English grade because it was the highest in all of his classes. Of course, I ruined that average by getting a C+ today on my thematic paper, which I completely deserved, but wasn’t really expecting to get.
I have so much to talk about, but I am tired and achy and sick of this gross soup, so I’ll write later.
Jason said I looked trashy in my homecoming dress, but hey, I agreed. But there was such bitterness in every word he said to me today. Ohwell — his time and importance in my life has been long past.
Enough! I’m going to sleep, and then I’ll update more later tonight.
It’s strange. I sometimes I have these random bouts of missing Nick, even if I only saw him like four hours ago. I think I’m feeling a bit disturbed because he was in a really weird mood this afternoon — something was obviously bothering him and he wouldn’t tell me what it was, which was a first for him, and it stressed the hell out of me. If he’s not happy — and it’s so rare that he’s not — I can’t be, either. So, I left him in that weird, disturbed mood, and he hasn’t called me yet, which is something he’s done for the past couple of days now because he doesn’t have a computer and we can’t talk online. It’s cute — neither of us are really phone people, but we’ve been talking for hours on it lately.
Anyway. School was okay. It was beautiful this morning — all misty and rainy, with a rainbow to complement it all. I was already starting to get into a mood, but when I saw the rainbow, it cheered me in a way that only the weather seems to be able to do.
We got interim grades today. I have — (the phone just rang, and it scared me so much that I almost fell out of my chair .. but alas, it wasn’t Nick) — a B+ in History, a B in physics and an A in English. Of course, I’m proud of my physics grade, considering I could barely make a C in it last year. I’m also extremely happy about my English grade because it’s the highest in all of his classes.
Today was Bum Day for Spirit Week. I wore my gray pajama pants and a random SurfShop red t-shirt. My hair was frizzing and flying, but I was comfortable and could look ratty with a purpose.
After school, I went with Nick to take his sister to the orthodontist. His random mood cranked itself up about then. I guess I get so freaked out when he isn’t chipper because it means something is really wrong, unlike me who can fall into a blue funk by the slightest comment.
Anyway, after the orthodontist, Nick had to go to Fort Lee to get his blood drawn, so we drove up there, with Bjork smothering the silence in the car. I have come to the conclusion that I hate Bjork. She agitates the hell of me and makes me edgy. Fortunately, Julia asked him to change it, and he put in Sarah McLachlan, which seemed appropriate for the drizzly day.
We went to the clinic, and discovered that he couldn’t get blood drawn because he was supposed to have fasted, which the doctor hadn’t told him to do, so he had to return the next morning. We went up into his dad’s office instead and ate Nutri-Grain bars.
The next stop was Nick’s mom’s work. We waited in the hospital for a bit, and then all gathered into the car, where they dropped me off at my house.
My mother went to Dr. Parrish’s booksigning because I couldn’t. Of course, my mother like ended up with her picture in the paper with Dr. Parrish. I swear to God, fame follows my mother. I don’t know how she does it. Anyhow, Dr. Parrish wrote a very sweet inscription in her book for me.
I slept when I came home, and woke up at 8:00. Nick still hasn’t called me. He was supposed to go to the YMCA tonight, so I imagine he ran into 4509 of his friends, which he always manages to do wherever he goes, and like went to some huge party with them or something. Or not. But ohwell.
I haven’t done my homework. I have this feeling that I don’t plan to.
The Tailgate Party and Homecoming Game are tomorrow. In all honesty, I really don’t like football games. I loved them when I was in middle school and the beginning of high school because it just seemed so trendy and teenager-ish to do, but now I would much rather stay at home and do something book-wormish than stand in the cold rain for three hours, pretending to be social and happy. But Nick wants go .. I should probably just let him go by his self because I know I’ll be some kind of burden on him .. but, alas .. it would never happen.
Well, let’s end the night on a depressing note, shall we?
Alright, I was in a saucy, incendiary mood today, and I don’t think I let one person pass without them getting some snippety remark from me. I even randomly kicked the hell out of David Zobel as he was passing me in the hallway just because I felt like it. I swear, I am out of control.
Well, what set me off to begin with was a very simple event, but Lord, did it have 8465485 underlying meanings in my mind. See, today was Sports Day for Spirit Week, and Nick and I a long time ago had made this cute little plan to dress up as soccer players, just because soccer is this odd inside joke between us. We had even decided on what attire to wear and all the minute details that make an ideal Sports Day. Well, as we were gathered in my room yesterday, me sitting at my computer, Nick perched on the edge of my bed, he casually said, “Oh, I can’t wait to wear the All-American Cheerleader shirt Amanda gave me to wear for Sports Day!”
That’s right. No mention of, “No, we’re not going to dress up as soccer players,” or “Sorry, I have another idea for Sports Day,” just .. “I can’t wait to wear the shirt.” That got a very large grr from me. It’s not like I wanted to dress up as a soccer player that badly — in fact, deep down inside my troubled gut, I was sorta glad for this revelation because then I wouldn’t have to go through the entire schoolday looking like a stupid asshole in a soccer jersey. BUT .. the principle of the thing was that Nick had broken our at least week-long plans to pull off this little soccer idea to, instead, wear some dumb-ass cheerleading shirt.
So, that’s what set me off this morning. Just that. OH, but in my mangled little mind, it meant much more than just a broken promise.
Anyway, I got to school, and then 3 minutes before the bell was to ring, I realized I had left my bookbag at home. So, I had to drive home, retrieve it, and then return to school, 15 minutes late. Little did I know that I could’ve brought a note and my tardy would’ve been excused.
So, I pouted through history, and then in sociology, I went on a rampage with Nick. Good Lord, was I bitter over the damn Soccer Incident. I was being immature and bratty but I just had this little four-year-old need for him to feel as bad as I felt. Damn, it sounds really dumb now that I’m writing it out, but alas .. so, I picked a fight with him, and once again, sociology was a hellish class. I even broke his pen out of anger.
My weird anger turned to melencholy, and I entered Creative Writing in a down and teenage-angst mood. Ryan wasn’t there, and though Ryan and I aren’t really friends this year, we’re still Creative Writing buddies, and I know he could’ve put me in a good mood. Fortunately, everyone else around me was in cute jovial moods, so while we were supposed to be doing some huge writing assigment, all the Creative Writing II people just talked and talked. As we all know, my Demi-God (henceforth known as DG) is in that class, and it’s like I have to struggle to appear like a normal, cute girl in front of him, and everything that flies out of my mouth sounds so pitiably dumb and I just want to shoot myself. My socialization skills are so terrible. I just cannot carry on a normal conversation with people I don’t know very well. I should just give up talking altogether — my life would be so much simpler.
However, even with my lack of speaking skills, I came out of the class in at least a minimal chipper mood, and when I met Nick before Shakespeare, he seemed recovered from my sharp-tongued attacks in sociology. During lunch, we were all cute and ate by the fishpond and just did cute-couply stuff. I’m not sure if Nick would like to sit with the rest of the people in lunch, or if he minds sitting by ourselves. He’ll never tell me. When I am in a misanthropic mood, I don’t want to be around anyone except immediately close friends, and everyone else pisses me off. Somebody at one of the tables during lunch made some innocent comment and I blatantly flicked the entire table off. Whoa.
Shakespeare was fine and dandy. Nick was paired up with Jason in a group, so I was cringing as to see how that would turn out, but fortunately, it seemed to be fine. We did questions and such in that class, and then it was time to go home!
I hung out Nick’s for a bit after school, but I couldn’t stay long because my mother has this thing about me coming straight home after school, unless I have some extracurricular activity. So, I stayed there for 15 minutes, and then came home and talked to him on the phone for like an hour.
And here I sit, 3:53 PM, with a whole lot of homework ahead of me. Ohwell — I shall get in comfortable little clothes, listen to the new Dave Matthews CD and drink coffee while I do my various physics problems and English essay.
Let us pray that tomorrow’s mood for me will be a good one. I really don’t have control over my damn moods, and if that’s manic depression or effects from my BC, or just me, I shall never know. All I know is that these vile moods I keep falling into are getting way too hackneyed.
“Shut up, I’m rich, not some platinum blonde bitch!”
Ahh, I’m in such a Broadway mood! I guess it’s because of my excitedness over Marymount Manhattan, my 99%-almost-positive future home, and my upcoming auditions for various plays around here. I’m even listening to my Sunset Boulevard soundtrack, which I have honestly not listened to since last school year. I had forgotten how wondermous it is — Norma Desmond is truly my dream role, though I have a good 30 years to go before I can play it.
Well, today was pretty mediocre. This week is “spirit week,” or shall I say “let’s think of really unoriginal ideas for spirit week.” Today was Class Colour day, and I did end up wearing khakis and a button-up shirt, while Nick completely rocked this blue Versace shirt with his tight black pants. He looked good and model-ish, but apparently a few ignorant little asshole sophomores had a problem. More about that later, however.
History was fine. One thing I enjoy about that class is the consistency of it — day-to-day activities are no surprise; I know that everyday he’s going to talk the entire period and we’re going to take notes. That sounds horribly boring writing it out, but it truly isn’t boring — the subject is interesting, and Mr. Cook is a wondermous teacher.
Sociology was boring as ever. I swear, that is the one class this year I dislike merely for the fact that I almost fall asleep in it everyday. I am usually in a bad mood when I come to the class because I am dreading sitting through the monotony of it, but this time I was in a fairly chipper mood, so Nick and I talked and giggled like little girls the entire period. It’s funny — Nick has this certain tone of voice that is close to mumbling, but not quite. I would say 99% of the human population can never discern what he’s saying when he speaks in this voice, but Asian, my Sociology teacher, can hear everything he says in this voice. It’s amazing — more than once, she has overheard Nick swearing.
Creative Writing was cute because no one had one bit of an attention span. The first-year students we were reading various writings outloud to the class, but no one could pay attention. My Demi-God in that class is so damn cute — I swear, he has to be one of the most sincerely nice people I’ve ever met. And one of the best-looking. What a gorgeous boy he is. But, anyway.
Shakespeare was good, except for the reading-outloud factor, which kills me and Nick everytime. We are both avid theatre people, of course, but somehow we both share the same tortuous hate for reading outloud in class. We both are pretty bad at it — stumbling over words, talking too fast, growing extremely red in the face. So, we had to read Romeo and Juliet outloud today, and she assigned us all parts — I received this big long scene as Juliet, and Nick received about the same amount of lines as Capulet. By the end of both of our readings, we were flushed and sweating. It is such torture for us, especially since we have this random standard to live up to as the “theatre people.”
A sidenote about the AssholeSophomores and whoever else had the audacity to say stupid things about/to Nick. God, that can piss me off faster than anything — these little kids who have never seen anyone quite as bold and non-conformist as Nick, and don’t know how to handle him. There is no good way to handle them except to ignore their comments, but it upsets Nick so much, and infuriates me. Being the incendiary-type person I am, I’m surprised the entire sophomore class wasn’t ambushed by me this afternoon.
Alas. After school, we went to Nick’s for a while, but he was feeling tired and upset, so I tucked him under under his Rafe blanket, and went home, where I sit presently, still enjoying the sounds of Sunset Boulevard.
I filled out my Marymount Manhattan application, and it was so awesome because it made it that much more real. Since elementary school, I have said I would go to college in New York, and it just feels so .. something .. that I’m accomplishing a goal I set like ten years ago.
Sighh. Well, I shall go do something useful now, such as homework. Geoffrey is hopefully coming home this weekend, if he gets his poor-dilapidated car fixed.
Ta!
It really irks me when people think they have to be in competition with my webpage. I’m not trying to compete with anyone, so why should anyone try to compete with me?
Anyway.
Yesterday evening was kind of funny. Nick and I had planned to go to the movies, which was something we hadn’t done in a very long time. In fact, we hadn’t really been out in a long time. For the past three months or so, we’ve had the damn play to contend with, and this was the first weekend we were absolutely free.
So, we decided to go to a movie. I met him at his house way early, so we decided to walk around the neighborhood for a bit. The air was icy and breezy, and it was a pretty night to be walking. When we reached his driveway, we still had a lot of time, so we went to Books-A-Million.
My ties with this bookstore are interesting. I first went there on the initial opening of it just because I thought the idea of a coffeeshop-plus-bookstore was so suave and New York-ish. I didn’t at the time realize that BAM was very ghetto compared to the sleek sophistication of ,say, Barnes and Noble or Borders. However, it was my little haven, and when Clint started working there, I seemed to take up residence in the place. Then Clint quit, and I didn’t go anymore, but then last winter, I started up again, and now I associate it with me and Nicky.
No reason for all of that.
Alas. So, we went into BAM (what a cute little abbreviation!), and the CuteBoy was working at the counter. We — or rather Nick — perused some magazines, and then we decided we really didn’t want to go the movie anymore.
Alright. We honestly drove around Chester and Colonial Heights for like an hour and half looking for something to do. It was so pitiful, and we were about to go crazy. We would finally decide on a place to go, and then one of us would have an objection to it. It was horribly funny and frustrating at the same time. I thought Nick was going to have a stroke.
We ended up in Friendly’s. Wonderful. We ran into Tim, one of the creepy guys from OUAM ‘98, and he and his girlfriend talked about tattoos and therapy for like 15 minutes. It was absurd. And then people started banging on the walls beside us, and some little kid started singing the jingle for JC Penney. It was strange as hell.
We left, needless to say, and went with much trepidation to my house. It proved alright, however, because my mother was in bed, so we took the TV downstairs and went back to our normal routine. So much for trying to be cute and spontaneous.
Today we went to get my homecoming shoes. It was rainy and gray outside, which is lovely weather in my opinion, but since my mother is evil right now, she decided I couldn’t drive to Regency to get the shoes I wanted. So, Nick and I ended up at good ol’ Southpark Mall where I actually found a good pair of sparkly shoes to match my dress. As always, we are going to “rock” homecoming.
We went back to Nicky’s house after that where, of course, I got into yet another fight with my mother over the phone. Nothing can be said to her that won’t strike a bad nerve. I hung up the phone, and crawled back on the sofa with Nick. There is this new channel on TV called “Style” and Nick can’t take it — he loves it so much. We played around for a while at his house, and then I had to go home, where I proceeded to clean and do homework and all that type of stuff.
I have yet to do my Shakespeare homework. Somehow, I have absolutely no energy to type up a simple little paper, yet I have an abundance of energy for this. Nick is wearing a Diva outfit tomorrow, and he wants me to wear one, too, but I have nothing that will match him, so I will probably end up in khakis and a sweater. How diva.
My gum is stale and my lips are peeling .. but, in nine months, I’ll be in New York!
And so I didn’t update for a month. Eventually, updates will be back to their normal frequency. But I want to have everything on here back in order — i.e. archives, interface — before I go back to oldschool updating.
I feel sort of bad because I was supposed shopping with Nick and his mom at Virginia Center Commons this morning, but I overslept. He even called me like a billion times today because he knew I would oversleep, but somehow, I didn’t hear the phone. Ohwell — I can clean my room or something equally exciting.
This school week was way to slow for my pleasing.
Yesterday was cute, though. In History, we had yet another test, which I did pretty well on despite the fact that I mixed up some generals. Physics was drudgery as usual. Actually, I worked the entire class period with no stopping. It was amazing. We’re doing this lab which is supposed to take 500 week or something, but we actually managed to finish it yesterday. It’s ironic because my lab group this year is similar to my group last year — Geoffrey, who was the smart boy who did all the work, has been replaced by Blake this year, and Leslie, the pretty girl who also ran the stopwatch, has been replaced by Jamie. There is no damn dork Chris this year, however, and that has proven to be a good thing.
My aid period was interesting. I love to grade papers. I feel like such a teacher because everytime I have to scrawl a bad grade across the paper in red ink, I feel so terrible. GardnerGirl, one of the teachers I aid for, decided that I should be her babysitter for her 4-month-old son. I abhor babysitting. I have never, ever enjoyed it, but somehow I felt myself saying, “Yes, why, sure I’ll babysit for you.” Grr.
English was zany. We had a pop quiz, which was convienent for me because during my aid period, I’m right up the hall from Mr. Storino and I can hear everytime he gives the class before me a pop quiz. He talked about his trip to Europe and his ex-wives for like the entire class period. It was entertaining, however, since he is such a speaker and interesting person.
Since there is so much damn tension at my house, we went to Nick’s house after school, instead of mine. Of course, when I called my mother to tell her where I was, we got into a fight over the phone, and Nick sat cringing on the chair. SO much fighting in my house right now. I think it’s a mixture of a lot of things — my parents aren’t taking the fact that I will be in college in New York in less than 9 months very well, and they ALSO aren’t taking the fact very well that I will be with Nick. They love Nick. There is no question about that. I just think they believe that once Nick and I are unleashed parent-free into the city, we’ll go absolutely crazy. I think this is partially-true. But, anyway.
So, fight with my mom and then we both fell asleep watching TV. We were on the floor and the dogs were jumping all over us. When we awoke, we decided that the exuberant dogs would do better if we took them for a walk, so we leashed them up and headed out.
Corwin, the infamous next door neighbor, called us over and we talked to him for a while. He was in a saucy-talk mood, but hundreds of things were going wrong in his life, so we let him be. After a trip around the neighborhood with the dogs, we went back to Nick’s house, where we had a fabulous dinner with his parents, and then ended up watching this Japanese movie with subtitles, which was completely strange and cute, but very long.
We then went to school to pick up Nick’s sister and her friends from the football game. They all squeezed in the back of my car, and we went to 7-11. Nick kept making the comment about how much older he felt then them — it is sorta true. They’re just starting high school, and they were jabbering about who was at the football game, and who wanted who, and all this stuff. We both just felt a million years apart from them.
I dropped everyone off, including Nick, and then went home, where I promptly fell asleep. I guess my sickness comes with a fatigue button or something. I have actually enjoyed being sick which is strange, but I think it’s because it makes everything feel like it’s winter, which is, as we know, my favourite season.
I love winter. I mean, I love it. Every aspect of it — the cold air where you can see your breath, sweaters, hot coffee, red cheeks, fogged windows, snow, the gray paleness of the sky, extra blanket at night, standing close to someone to get warm, Christmas, candles, late nights — just everything. I am in a perpetual good mood from about the end of October to the beginning of March. I guess another reason I love the winter season so much is because that’s when Nick and I fell in love — awww, I know. It’s true, though — last winter, we were in SOM ‘97, and going to Corwin’s Christmas party, and talking about Titanic, and walking through the neighborhood in the cold, and watching the Illumination at Williamsburg .. I just have so many good memories associated with this season.
But, alas. I might as well clean or something useful. I feel like it’s going to take me from now until June to clear out everything in my room. How scary is that?
I do promise, however, to work on this page this weekend. Most likely late tonight — I’ll winterize it.
I love you all!