I’ve had a pretty boring past couple of days, so no need for a long update.
Nicky, however, has returned from the land of broken dreams, and I am happy to have him home. He looks wonderful, almost artistic in an odd sort of fashion. We were able to see each other briefly throughout the day, and then a bit after school before he had to go to work. I am entirely glad to have him back.
My English teacher gave us psychological tests today, and I discovered that I’m obsessed with sex. How odd.
Tomorrow is December 1! How the hell did that happen? I can’t believe it’s almost a New Year .. I remember exactly where I was on New Year’s last year and what I was wearing .. but why don’t we save that story for the actual New Year?
I’m getting sick. Don’t let me breathe on you.
Goodnight!
romantic sponges do it
Alright, it’s time to address my latest musical obsession. I’ve never really explained what my music habits are, but perhaps you have gleaned a few clues from my mentions of certain songs. I listen to music in phases — in essence, I become entirely, ENTIRELY obsessed with a certain song or CD and listen to it over and over (and this truly means over and over — I’ll hit repeat and listen to one song for like four hours) again for days or weeks, and then I’ll never listen to it again, or at least not for an extremely long time. With that said, my latest obsession is the Ella Fitzgerald CD I borrowed from Geoffrey. She’s singing Cole Porter songs (who, might I add, seems to have written the soundtrack for my life), and like I read in one article on the internet, “her voice is so flawless you could tune your piano to it.” I am completely enthralled — it’s just such good candlelight-rain-coffee-dark music. Though I have no rain or coffee at the moment (milk and cookies are my substitute for tonight), I do have the dark and a new candle which I bought at Target tonight. I love Ella. She makes me happy.
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birthday letters
Well, Delineating Randomness is a year old today — how quaint! I wish I had archives from the beginning .. I also wish I had had my counter up then as well so I could see how many people truly have come to my page in a year .. but, alas, archives and counters didn’t come until like May of this year. Silly me for not realizing the importance of them.
Last year, at this time, I was finishing up the last weekend of The Sound of Music at the Fort Lee Playhouse .. the happiest time of my entire life thus far was spent during SOM ‘97 .. Nick and I fell in love .. just good things.
So much has changed. I hate time. I always have.
quiet thanks
So, not a big deal was made out of Thanksgiving here. I got up semi-early to watch the parade, and then everyone came over at 12. We ate.
I volunteered to clean all the china and the entire kitchen because I was in no mood to sit in the living room and make small talk with everyone. In fact, all I really wanted to do that day was read or do computer-stuff, or just something beyond a social occasion.
So, I cleaned for a couple of hours. My parents made a big deal out of it, like I had never cleaned anything in my life.
Everyone loves Stephanie, Leslie’s ten-year-old daughter, including myself. She’s precocious and cute and intelligent, and is a good replacement for the younger version of myself that my parents seem to be missing so desperately. Sometimes I wish I could just disappear from the lives of everyone, and them not even remember I was there.
It’s connected. I promise.
I did nothing the rest of the day. I talked to Nick a bit online — apparently, he had found a little internet cafe.
No more about that, however.
I watched Home for the Holidays on TV and it was actually pretty good — something light, which was what I needed.
Later on that night, I looked up every possible website having to do with the movie Elizabeth. I am so randomly obsessed with it now! I wasn’t really when I first saw it, but as the day(s) have progressed, I have become so fascinated with that era and with Elizabeth herself.
I must see it again.
conquering
I woke up early today, but completely forgot to watch Nick on The Today Show. He was holding up some signs, and I’m sure he got on TV, but I forgot and felt kinda bad.
I read Portrait of The Artist as a Young Man for a long while this morning, just for the hell of it. I was supposed to read it for my research paper last year, but I never did, and am now just finding out how interesting it is. Besides, I was in the mood for something non-romanceish or non-mysteryish. Just something neutral to keep me unfocused.
Geo and I made plans to go to the Mongolian Barbecue in Richmond, and I finally decided it was time for me to conquer driving. I have had my license for way over a year, yet I have only been on the interstate once. Nick has always driven my car the far-away places.
But, no, today I was going to do it, and I did, without any serious difficulties. A refrigerator from the truck in front of me flew off into the side of the road, but otherwise I was fine, and felt rather proud of myself.
Now I can run away successfully.
Lunch was cute and good, even though I put entirely too much ginger on my barbecue and almost killed myself coughing. The waitress looked and had the same name as my friend in Texas.
And now I’m here. I want to sleep, but at the same time, I want to rearrange my room.
In general, things are not going well over here. I’m afraid there are going to be some big changes in the next few weeks, and I’m so worried about that.
Faith, yes?
I’ve never even tried to have it.
dreams
I have always believed in the prophetic effect of dreams. Sleeping and dreams are such odd, intrinsic parts of my life — I have struggled with sleep since I was young and my dreams have always been these tangled, long stories. Quite a few times, some element of the dream has come true in a way — symbolically speaking, of course.
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Well, Nicky is off to New York and silly me for thinking that just because we’ve done this long-separation thing before, that I wouldn’t miss him. Of course I miss him. Terribly, but alas .. it’s only five days, and that’s a hell of a lot less than twelve.
I just finished watching City of Angels on Pay-Per-View. I always seem to find some type of “tear-jerker” movie to watch when Nick leaves .. this summer it was Armageddon. Anyway, the movie was an excellent concept, but kind of clumsy in the making of it. There was too much background and not enough middle, but I did — somehow — regain more respect for Nicolas Cage, who I have not liked at all in the past. It wasn’t like he gave the best acting performance .. I guess it was just his character.
Dennis Franz, however, was awesome.
Yesterday was blah. I didn’t like being back at school and it was difficult to get back into the routine. A few people apparently were so jealous of the fact that I went to New York that they had to defame me — even though they didn’t even realize I knew what they were saying. So much for trying to talk about someone when they’re right behind you, eh?
But, alas, I don’t want to be bitter about anything tonight, so I’ll withhold my diatribe about that subject.
Yesterday night was cute because I went to visit Nick on his dinner break from work. He’s so damn adorable in his little apron. We had a quick dinner at one of the restaurants in the mall, and he put music for me on the juke box, since he is absolutely obsessed with juke boxes. He also came over after work and we had a cute, but too short time talking under the stars.
There’s the sentimentality that only arouses with his absence, yes?
I woke up late today and put on a rough outfit, and just threw myself into the school day. We were in first period for three hours, and I was so damn bored. I got a C on my history test, which is no good at all, but I plan to hopefully make it up with the test tomorrow.
That is, if I ever move myself from this chair and study.
Physics was short, but I got an 86 on my quiz, so I was entirely happy because that means I have managed to get Bs on three quizzes in a row there. It’s amazing what I actually did learn last year in that class.
English, blah, except for my B on my thematic analysis. Also amazing considering after the last grade I got on a paper in there I thought I was destined to write badly structured essays.
I bought Nicky a balloon for a going-away present, and we met up after school. I briefly hung out at his house, and then we said our goodbyes in his driveway.
Alas! He’s seeing Art, Titanic and Cabaret while he’s there, and of course, the college. I am so nervous about his parent’s reaction to Marymount. My future is on this delicate balance right now and I have no reassurance that it’s going to turn out exactly how I want it — how I need it.
Alright. Staying away from heavy issues.
For Thanksgiving, my parents and I are getting together with my brother, his fiancee and her daughter, who looks exactly like me at age 10 (I may have mentioned that already). I’m not really in the mood for a big ol’ family Thanksgiving dinner, but I’ve never really had one ever so I guess I’ll deal with it.
It’s only 8:15 PM. Good Lord. I should be studying for my history test. But my bed is so inviting ..
Alas .. !
returned
Well, I have returned from the decadently beautiful and loud city of Manhattan. I am extremely disappointed that my scanner is broken because I had a few cute things from my trip I wanted to scan, but alas .. not until it’s fixed, which will probably be never because I just allow things to be broken for a long time. But, no stalling .. New York!
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vagabond shoes
Well, I am off to New York tomorrow morning! I am, of course, always in the mood for New York, but for some reason, I’m not in the mood for a trip, especially with my family. Of course, nothing is wrong with my family, but I would honestly rather be attending school with my Nicholas and just chilling at my house.
But, alas! I have the campus tour and my interview on Friday. I’m nervous about seeing the school — considering this is the only school I’m applying to, I am praying that I won’t have an atmosphere problem with it and that everything will be okay. I’m also doubly nervous about my interview because I am terrible at talking to people I don’t know, and will probably turn all red.
But, maybe I’ll get to see Carson Daly in Times Square, yes?
morning song
Nothing at all was exciting about the day. The morning was cute, however. Nick is working today, so he drove his van to school, and when I pulled into the parking lot, he was already there. So, I crawled into the seat next to him and we had a cute little morning just talking in the parking lot. We also stayed in his van after school and talked for a long time. Hmm .. I am definitely going to miss when he goes off to New York next week, but as we all know, I shall survive. Nothing at all like the Wisconsin fiasco this summer.
I spent my aide period listening to the new Mariah Carey CD with John in the yearbook room.
but, alas ..
Nick is coming over after work to drop some stuff off from me. I really should clean my room since he’ll be watching my dogs while I’m gone, but as always, I’m tired.
Sleep, sleep, sleep.
Ohyes .. my report card was good — all As and Bs. I hope I’m able to keep that up.
I shall talk to you on Saturday! Wish me luck!
notes
I’m listening to Christmas music right now and I’m loving it. If only it were snowing and candles were up everywhere and my cheeks were pink from the cold .. does weather bring happiness? I think it does.
Please do not use my webpage as a planner for your stalking needs. Please.
Hmm. It has been a while since we’ve spoken, and I must recap Nick’s birthday, which was crazy and fun as hell. Oh, can you follow my new format? It’s completely copied from www.rebekah.org, but ohwell .. it works for me, too.
millie’s
So, I arrived at Nick’s house on Saturday, feeling completely overdressed as usual. I had the best curly ’40s hair, and an okay outfit (gray skirt, white shirt), but I couldn’t find my regular black dress-up shoes, so I had to wear my homecoming shoes, which are stellar as hell, but also entirely fancy. Fortunately, everyone was dressed-up, so for once I didn’t stand out.
We all piled into the van and arrived at Millie’s for dinner 30 minutes later. I’m not sure what I expected of the restaurant — it was Nick’s dad’s favourite place to eat and I heard so much about it. Once inside, I established it as a very trendy, but not pretentious type of place. One of the waitresses looked exactly like Tori Amos and had a Gucci belt, so she was of course immediately approved..
We sat around for a while, waiting for Corwin and Bill (Nick’s next door neighbours) and their friend Russ to arrive. The whole family was like glued to the window waiting, and it was cute. When they finally came, the dinner began, with lots of wine and lots of craziness.
I was feeling crowded and clausterphobic as I always do when I’m with large amounts of people, but I was still able to enjoy everything. Russ, the friend, was absurd. I immediately assumed he was gay because of Corwin and Bill, but when he began to offer to take “pictures” of me, I started to waver from that assumption. All older men seem to love me, though no boys my age show any interest (except for Nick, of course!). Russ got a bit tipsy and then he realized that he knew Nick’s dad’s brother in college and they spent the rest of the dinner talking about the coincidences between them.
Corwin came over to talk to us for a while at the end of the table, and kept making this absurd buck-toothed face that made us cry with laughter. We talked about college for a while, and stuff like that. Everyone says the same thing — New York is gonna wear us down; it’s gonna beat us up .. but that makes it even more the challenge for me!
Dinner went on for a while, and then the trio departed, and it was just the family and me. Nick’s dad is exactly like Nick in a good mood, and was being cutely absurd. We gathered our stuff together, and left Millie’s.
havana 59
We drove around Richmond for a while, and then Nick’s dad decided he wanted coffee from Havana 59, which is a Cubanesque-type restaurant for 20-year-old-type people. He began to adopt this Spanish accent, and started to scream stuff down the street in Spanish.
Okay. It was so funny. We got in the restaurant, and it was crawling with people and smoke and loudness. We were seated in a table in the corner by this extremely drunk lady who yelled at me when I walked in the door, “Is that a boob job?”
Our waitress was some Miss America contestant and Nick’s dad screamed random things in Spanish at her. Meanwhile, the drunk lady had migrated to the floor in front of us in this tiny black dress, and while stumbling all over the place, was saying to everyone near her, “Fuck me, I’m blind.”
She was such a sideshow! We were just staring, with birdcalls and Spanish wisdom inserted by Nick’s dad. Then a bunch of intoxicated “men’s men” behind began throwing playing cards at us, so Julia threw some back at them, and it was all an absurd mess.
We left soon after, with cards being hurled at us and the drunk lady buying yet another bottle of win.
What a night!
sunday brunch
I had promised by mother on Sunday that I would go out with lunch with her. I really didn’t want to — for one thing, I dread being alone with my mother because she’s in this phase where all she wants to have with me are intense, heart-to-heart talks with me. Or she tries to subtly ask me about sex. I dread it! I also just wanted to take my leftover pasta from Millie’s and just do nothing that day.
But, no, I went to Red Lobster with her, and we actually had a pretty good time. Our waiter was cute, and there were no intense discussions. Granted, I didn’t talk that much. I always become silent in her presence because I’m afraid something I’ll say will trigger her to say something deep.
We went shopping for a bit afterwards, and then I came home to do housework-type stuff.. I really wasn’t planning on seeing Nick that night since he had to work, but he called me at 7 and said he missed me, so he came over for a while.
It seems as if we won’t be seeing each other a lot in the next few weeks .. with his work schedule and both of our upcoming New York trips, so I’m trying to cherish all the time I have with him.
We watched X-Files and cuddled like the cute couple we are.
fiery redhead
On Monday, nothing of importance happened. I went to school, came home, ate and slept.
Today was an irritable day. I was in a bad mood from the beginning because I woke up really late this morning, and had not finished my homework from the night before. I had also planned to wear some type of makeup today to make myself look decent for once, but I had no time for that.
I was in a bad mood.
I did terrible on my test in history.
Then, there was Sociology, the terror of all classes. It’s not the subject, or the class really — just the atmosphere. It kills me. I have such a strange atmosphere fetish — it’s like I can feel the energy or the aura in the air or something, and if it feels weird, I’m doomed. That class has possibly the worst atmosphere I’ve ever experienced.
So, I was bitchy in that class to everyone, and bitchy to Nick, and blah, blah, blah, alas. I came out of there in a worst mood I had begun with.
Creative Writing always manages to cheer me up, though lately it’s not doing it like it used to. We got in such huge debate on race today, and of course I agreed with the side no one agreed on, but I didn’t voice my opinion too much this time in fear that if someone spoke sharply to me, I would actually cry.
Unstable. Seriously.
I emerged better, however, but snapped again in Shakespeare, then remolded myself by lunch. After school, Nick came over for a while and we talked about my moods for a while, and then it turned into an almost-crying discussion on both of our parts, but we survived it and went to Applebee’s, full of love.
And here I sit, at 5:22 PM with a messed-up monitor. I’m tired and plan to sleep. Let us pray for good dreams because I am beginning to believe the status of my dreams affect the status of my moods in real life.
!
Well, happy birthday to Nick! I had a cute little happy birthday graphic up here, but somehow I managed to screw it up, so I just decided to go with a minimalistic purple on black greeting.
I think I have finally gotten addicted to caffeine. My claim to fame for the longest time was that I couldn’t get addicted to anything (except people, of course), but now I have gotten to the point if I don’t have at least some sort of coffee everyday, I’m all weak and crazy. Alas!
The days have been slow and weird. Yesterday was Friday the 13th of course, and though I do hold some superstitions, fearing the 13th isn’t one of them. However, the atmosphere decided I should fear it and gave me a fairly bad morning. The day started off with a screaming fight with my mother over my clothes. You see, 99% of the time I do my own laundry solely for the fact that I just love doing laundry. But the last time, my mom did it, and like every other time before, I could find nothing afterwards. She doesn’t intentionally hide my clothes, but everytime she does my laundry, I’ll find my jeans in the guest room closet or a shirt under her bed. So, of course, I was searching all over the place for my clothes in the morning, making a lot of noise, thus leading to a large fight.
Cry, cry, cry.
I was almost late to school. But, I made it.
In Sociology, we had a quiz which I had no notes for, but Nick managed to slip me his, and all was well.
I have a B in Sociology which is amazing because I do nothing in that class except be irritable since the atmosphere in there is horrible.
The rest of the day was alright .. I have an A in Shakespeare, even without completing my hours for the EvilDramaTeacher. Speaking of Drama, the one-act play festival is this weekend, and they’re, of course, presenting Cagebirds. I can’t imagine how it’s going to do well — 4 seniors are gone, and I dropped out of it .. but alas, we’ll see.
I’m glad I’m not in that play anymore.
But it was, perhaps, the most pivatol experience of my life.
Anyway!
So, Nick went to work yesterday, and I found myself on a Friday night cleaning my room. Pathetic! I went around Colonial Heights for a while, though, picking up various things for Nick’s birthday. I decided to give everything an Irish theme, since he’s so obsessed with Riverdance. My big present to him was a subscription to Vogue.
Geoffrey called, also, and we talked for a long time. He’s coming home next Friday.
I fell asleep for a long time, as well, and then watched The Ice Storm on HBO which is one of my favourite movies, and reminds me of this summer because Geoffrey and I watched it in his basement while Nick was in Wisconsin. That was also the same night we made our Orange Cream Roll sign.
Nick came over after work, and talked excitedly about his job for an hour. He loves it which is a good thing, and I’m happy for him. It’s funny because I felt exactly like a wife whose husband went off to work for the first time .. when he came over, I made him a pseudo-dinner and then he fell asleep in my lap on my couch. I gave him his Irish presents, as well.
Nick was also working today — on his birthday, so I got up early and cleaned stuff, and then went around Chester to get various things, like a toothbrush and gas and coffee. It was an interesting experience because it has been so long since I have done anything by myself — I had missed my independence in that aspect.
Tonight, we’re going out to dinner with his parents and neighbors for his birthday, and that should be cute. And next week — I’ll be in New York!
Well. Today I was randomly happy, and it had no provocation — nothing good or spectacular happened .. I was jut happy. How odd that was!
I actually enjoyed physics today. I don’t know what it was, but it was nice just to be sitting with my wondermous lab group of Blake and Jamie, and just working on the damn lab. It was fun; it was cute; it was educational and I enjoyed it.
I talked with Dr. Parrish for a long while during my aide period. I told her I didn’t want to continue with the short story I had chosen to write for my independent project, but she made the point that I have always agreed with, but just not necessarily outloud — if you begin writing something, it obviously is a story that needs to be told, or you wouldn’t have thought of it. If you don’t finish something you have written, you’ll feel incomplete.
I think that’s so true.
I also talked with TFM for a long time. I feel it sounds as if I’m bragging or trying to make myself sound cool when I talk about going to college in New York. But I am just so excited. And stressed. And worried.
But those are issues for much later.
I actually broke my pseudo-intelligent-mysterious character in English today by not being able to stop laughing at something Mr. Storino said. It was something so simple — he recalled some commercial for aluminum foil where a cartoon horse said, “It’s better because it’s quiiiiiilteeeeed.” — neighing, of course, on the word “quilted.” It is random things like that that make me cry with laughter — and I mean literally cry. If I am sincerely laughing, I start crying. Every damn time. I think I have easy access tear ducts for all emotions.
After school, I went over to Nick’s and made his sister and her friends fried potatoes, Southern style. Then we listened and watched Riverdance, with special performances by Nick and Julia.
All my worst real-life fears are being played out through my dreams recently. My mind is like, “Hey, guess what, I hate you, here are some bad dreams.” I guess it’s better that they’re dreams and not reality.
Let’s hope the two worlds do not transgress!
Nick is working tomorrow, and I want to see Meet Joe Black, so I might find some people to go see it.
I forget so easily that I have a few friends .. Nick and I are each other’s social life .. by choice, of course.
But, alas!
It’s better because it’s quiiiiiillllllllteeeeed!
My precious Nicholas has finally acquired a job! Beginning Friday, he is a full-fledged member of the Coffee Beanery in the mall, which is cute because coffee is such our thing, and plus we have quite a history in the Coffee Beanery. Having a job will relieve so much stress for him — his parents won’t bother him about it anymore, he’ll have money .. all sorts of good things. At first, I was kinda apprehensive about him having a job .. we spend so much time together and that would definitely cut our time in half .. but it doesn’t matter because he’s doing what he needs to do and I’m happy for him.
This day off from school has flown by. I haven’t even done that much. After Nick applied for jobs this morning, he came by and we went to Boykin’s to order our sheet music for our Marymount auditions, which will be in February. The guy at the store was really nice and kinda cute. He talked extremely fast and low, but it was okay because he had beautymous blue eyes.
So, we ordered the music and then went to our old favourite, Books-a-Million, to peruse some Irish stuff, since Nick is obsessed with Ireland due to his contact with Riverdance. That’s even the CD we listen to in the car now.
We picked up his mom from work and then puttered around his house for a bit. Nick talked to the Marymount people on the phone for a long time, and we discovered that the interview process is really casual. I suspect the audition process will be, as well, but I want to be extremely prepared.
So, I came back here, and here I am, clothed in a warm terry-cloth robe after a hot bath. In The Bell Jar, the main character says that there is nothing a hot bath can’t solve, and I do believe that to be true.
Nick’s birthday is Saturday, did I mention? I’m going to dinner with his parents and Corwin and Bill, so that should be lots of fun.
Ooo, the cute boy from Boykin’s just called to talk to me about my order. Now he is Irish.
As I sit here in a UVA T-shirt and purple boxers, drinking 7-11 French Vanilla cappuccino, and listening to Ben Folds Five on the CD player (which I haven’t listened to in months!), I think of how happy I am that there is no school tomorrow.
I haven’t missed one day yet, which is a feat in itself considering I can only go so long without taking at least two or three “mental” health days. These lack of mental health days is probably why I am so stressed about school and such.
But I have a B in physics for the quarter! How wondermously amazing is that? I was so proud of that grade because I actually worked for it, which was a verb that didn’t even exist in my vocabulary last year.
The day was good. It began badly because I woke up too late to do my homework, and then I was spilling coffee all over myself as I did it in the car, only to find out the homework was due on Thursday! Ironic, as always. Physics was boring except for the beautiful unveiling of my grade.
My aide period was cute. It’s interesting because there is this boy — let’s call him John because he looks exactly like a VJ on MTV named John — comes in to talk to me during my aide period, every day. At first, it annoyed the hell out of me because it was hard to concentrate on grading, and I just enjoy my solitude. But now I look forward to him coming, and it’s kinda cute. Today, I told him the EvilDramaTeacher story, and then we talked about Brad Pitt.
I’m the teacher’s aide in English now, which means I do a lot of teacher-type stuff and get extra credit for it, which is fine by me. That class is so interesting! For the past two weeks, all we’ve talked about is philosophy, which is a great interest in my life, especially now. Mr. Storino just manages to explain things in a way I completely understand and enjoy. A lot of people fall asleep during that class, but not I — I love it.
I spent lunch in the library. I didn’t have any money and besides, it’s always a fight for seats at the table, so I just wrote some e-mails and played on the internet.
I ran into my Spanish teacher from last year (French teacher from 9th grade) and he showed me pictures of his kids. He seems so lonely .. when I say hi to him in the hallway, he practically applauds me.
I puttered around for a bit after school, and then went to 7-11 with Nick, where I acquired the fabulous coffee I am drinking now.
Alright. I think we need to address my absent-mindness lately. I have always been spacey. That’s never changed. But lately, it seems as if it’s worsening by 88% or something. I forgot to give Mrs. Gates the papers I had graded for her during my aide period, and then I lost my keys in 7-11, which is better than I have done lately — three times in a row now, I have left the keys in the ignition. So spacey!
Speaking of Mrs. Gates, who is the Crimesolvers sponsor, I also had a Crimesolvers meeting after school, in which I was elected (well, sort of) secretary. I love doing secretary-type stuff, but I wish I hadn’t committed myself so fully to this damn club because abhor staying after school. Ohwell — my mom will be proud.
Geoffrey is coming home next Friday, which is good because the week Nick is in New York, Geoffrey will be here, so it will be just like the Wisconsin deal this summer.
Nick’s 18th birthday is on Saturday, by the way.
Alright, off to do laundry and other fun-type stuff.
I am sitting here at 8:13 PM, honestly bored. Just bored! Nick came by a few minutes ago, but he could only stay a couple of moments because he had the car and there are such stringent restrictions with his usage of that car. Otherwise, for the past three hours or so, I have just been meddling around my house, doing nothing. No one is home. Feel free to visit.
I began the day throwing up. Yum.
We had a Senior Meeting about ordering cap and gown stuff, which was fairly boring, but a fine enough distraction from regular class-type-stuff. The packet the company gave us was attempting to be cute by listing several uses for the graduation tassel, such as a hair extension or a “Chihuahua necktie.”
Nick and I read that in Sociology and almost cried with laughter.
Ohmygosh! Our substitute in Sociology was honestly maniacal — he was hunched over with balding greasy hair and huge glasses. He began the class by screaming, “I don’t care if you all end up in the street! You riff-raffs are not worth the fifty bucks they give me to teach!” Then he went on a tangent about how private schools throw their students out if they behave badly, and how public schools should as well, and then he crouched behind his desk and read a travel book on Italy.
Whoa.
I honestly dislike that class anyway. All the kids were acting like hoodlums — throwing their “babies” (the flour and sugar sacks) across the classroom, and then taking glass from a broken window and trying to stab people.
The atmosphere of that class kills me. I am irritable the entire period, much to Nick’s unhappiness.
Creative Writing was sort of boring. We’re still doing these damn book talks (remember my Kurt Vonnegut report like a month back?) and it’s getting repetitive. I did, however, accidentally punch my DG in the face while yawning, and I fawned over myself apologizing.
We began a new play in Shakespeare — Much Ado About Nothing, which Nick and TFM know equally well, therefore it should be a massacre in that class. Lunch was odd because Nick, Jason, Scott and I all ate in the courtyard by ourselves. Any combination involving Jason and Nick usually doesn’t fare well, but it was fine and sunny and wondermous.
Once home, Nick and I made dinner. It was cute — my mom is extremely Southern, so everything is fried to the last inch of its life in my house. She taught us how to make pork chops and corn and all that jazzy shit. Then we settled down to Brad Pitt on Oprah.
And now I’m bored. Granted, I have lots of homework I could be doing, but I would rather sleep. Bailey, one of my dogs, is curled up cutely on my bed, so I think I shall join him.
Ohyes — I scheduled my interview and audition date for Marymount. My interview is after my tour, which is November 20, and then my audition is in February. I REALLY hope my life works out the way I want it to, because as of now, I have no backup plan. It’s either what I want or the streets, I tell ya.
Alright.
Goodnight.
I am so overheated. It is something like 30 degrees outside, and my house is drenched in wet heat. Our heating system must be stellar because I am thinking of turning on my fan.
This weekend has been nice. A little stressful because of various issues, but nice. Friday was kind of a bad day. I took my 9-weeks test in history — which I hadn’t studied for — and got an 80, which is pretty stellar for not studying, but also disappointing because I haven’t gotten anything below a B in that class yet. Nick and I had been arguing about pointless shit all morning, so I was already a bit off-kilter, and then when I got to physics and Jamie provided me with more pointless (well, not pointless to me) shit to argue about, everything just escalated, and Nick and I had an “intense discussion” in the hallway.
So, I got to English and Mr. Storino chided me about not turning in one of my papers and I just burst into tears. Thankfully, he is a wondermously nice man, and just sat with me and talked about various dilemmas. His main credo is that this is just “high school” — and isn’t that true?
That afternoon, I was supposed to stay after to complete my Shakespeare assignment with the Drama department, but I had no desire to mingle with the insipid theatre people of our school, so I just left, while Nick stayed after.
I went home, and had more horrible dreams, while waking up in a sweat.
I picked Nick up from my school, and then we drove around for a bit, and then settled at home.
On Saturday, we were supposed to help Bass, a friend of mine and another adoring fan of Nick’s, with his video project, but it didn’t happen. Instead, we went to Border’s and stayed there for hours.
I love those damn coffeeshop-bookstores! Maybe that’s just typically Bohemian of me, but I do surely love them. There were a couple of college kids sitting around, one boy in particular who kept trying to stare me down, so I just put on a cute-intelligent act and drank my hot cocoa.
We then went home and chilled.
It’s Sunday, 1:45 PM. I have to clean and work and do stuff. Like always! I really like this text colour and wish I hadn’t wasted it on a short, not well-written update, but ohwell.
I’ll be in New York in less than two weeks .. how exciting is that?
“Out of the ash I rise, with my red hair, and I eat men like air.”
– Sylvia Plath
So, I cut my hair. I feel so weak. My main goal after I cut my hair in May was to keep it long, and never cut it again for the rest of my life, even though Nick and a thousand other people were urging me to cut it, and even though I really wanted to cut it. But, no — I wanted some rebellion; to have something on myself that everyone else hated but I liked. Nope. Couldn’t be done. I cut it.
These past few days have been a been a bit blank here, but don’t worry — you haven’t missed much. I finally stayed after for the EvilPlay on Monday, and it actually wasn’t the bad. The EvilDramaTeacher seems to hold more of a grudge against Nick then she does me — she actually spoke to me in civil tones. We color-coordinated and alphabatized the costume room, and then just chilled in the theatre. It was weird to be back in there — the familier smell, the insincere happiness of the EvilDramaTeacher’s voice .. I almost caught a faint touch of reminencse creep into me, but I quickly dismissed it.
We watched Cats on PBS later that night. I think I am one of the very few people who are actually neutral about that musical — I don’t love it and I don’t hate it. It was pretty good, except when they tried to throw in scintzy 80s special effects. Mediums should never be mixed! It just is cause for disaster!
We had the day off from school on Tuesday. I slept most of the day because I am so damn tired lately and sick. Remember when I was a sickly little child? Well, here we go again — the latest angsty health problem is these random blackouts which only occur in my right eye — I’ll be having just a regular headache when suddenly I’ll get this shooting pain in my right eye, and bam, I’ll be seeing colours and darkness. It’s only happened twice but it is scary as hell.
On Tuesday night, I also discovered my second-favourite author, right in line after F. Scott Fitzgerald — Sylvia Plath. I picked up The Bell Jar to read for my English thematic report, which was due the next day, and I literally almost started crying when I read it. Never has something delineated myself so well .. kids, if you want to know what I was like in most awry time, read that book. In fact, most of the thoughts in the book are parallel to mine. I can’t express my love for Sylvia Plath and the book! As I said on my paper, thank the Lord for good books!
I stayed up all night working on the paper, therefore I was dragging the next day at school. I came in late, and then was grumpy for the rest of the day.
That night, Nick and I decided to shoot our latest installment of Creative Videos — the filming of our Romeo and Juliet monologues for Shakespeare. Okay, look — that night was so awry, that I don’t even know where to begin. My part failed miserably — I got dressed up in this fur coat and little skirt and high heels and runway makeup, and attempted to do mine in the mall, but my blatant insecurity ceased me from doing anything.
So, I was in a bad mood. Nick wanted to shoot his Juliet speech in the cemetery, in a little one-strap dress.
So, in the FREEZING cold, literally crying because I was scared, angry and frustrated, I filmed Nick lying over tombs, reciting his speech.
It was absurd. You don’t even KNOW how absurd — me, screaming at Nick over tombstones, while he’s prancing around in a little dress in the 40 degree weather.
It’s something we’ll look back and laugh about .. oh .. ten years from now.
So, that was done and shown today in Shakespeare, to much acclaim.
I wasn’t even planning on staying in school today. I was so ill and tired when I woke up that I wrote an early dismissal slip for myself to come home. But, Nick said he would be “lonely” in school without me, and since I can never, ever deny his little-boy ways, I stayed.
I have forgotten our damn Sociology baby at home for two days now. I am not good with projects.
Creative Writing was wondermous as usual. I love that class. It’s one of the few things that I actually feel a special part of — just the little CWII clique where I can (almost) be completely normal and myself. It’s nice.
We went to the jazz band concert tonight. I am such a jazz band groupie, along with a Show Choir groupie, of course. Even though the band is not NEARLY as good as they used to be, I still love, love, LOVE them.
It’s 9:49 PM. I need to study for my history test, but I am going to bed. I am constantly tired. Constantly!
Goodnight!
Today’s theme was Pleasantville. I had decided it would be cute if Nick and I dressed in ultra-conservative clothing a la Pleasantville, and had a picnic at Maymont Park. Plans got made, however, and then changed, and finally we just ended up having lunch at his house, while watching the Real World marathon.
But we looked cute — Nick had on this plaid, button-up shirt and khaki pants, while I had on a green plaid dress with a white cardigan, and my hair in braids. I even added a gold butterfly necklace and matching watch to the ensemble to complete the effect.
Please. We were cute as hell.
We rummaged through old report cards and things at his house, and then I aided him in making some of his new webpage, which will hopefully be up tonight, and I can give you a link to it.
We continued the rummaging at my house, which is where I found that picture, among a million others. We also tried on this random Flamenco dress that my mom has. It fit Nick better than it fit me.
There is no school on Tuesday and let us praise the Lord! I am so sick of school! Normally, I would’ve “taken off” about five days of school by now, but since I want to exempt exams, I can’t do that this year. Going by my grades of present, it looks like I’ll exempt all of them, with the exception of possibly physics, which is always iffy.
Everything I write seems so watered-down lately. Well, never to fear — Nick’s webpage will be nothing less of watered-up!
We’re staying after for real this time to help with the play, that is if the EvilDramaTeacher allows it.
Goodnight ..
Well, Happy November. This is where my favourite montage of months begin — from November to about February, everything is just in perfect sync for me. November has to be one of the months dearest to me because last November was most likely the best time in my life so far — SOM ‘97, falling in love with Nick .. that sort of thing.
Mmm, yes!
This weekend has been beautifully fabulous. Friday was gorgeous. My horrible story was printed in the newspaper, and it brought me a tiny piece of fame throughout the school. My English teacher spoke about it, and then our TammyWynette principal called me into her office to congratulate me. Now how scary was it to get a pass to the office with the words “now, please!” emblazoned across it? I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong because I had reformed my delinquent ways from last year, but three trillion things ran through my mind — my parents were sick, something was wrong with Nick, etc. — but, alas, it was only Betty herself calling me in about my story. It was a really nice gesture, and something I appreciated a lot.
Nick and I really didn’t know what we wanted to do with our evening. We sat down with the newspaper and poured through it, hoping to find something and we did — 54 was playing at the Byrd Theatre in Carytown. It was almost funny that we planned to go see it — remember, it was the movie we had anticipated for so long, and it was kind of disappointing when we finally did see it, but that didn’t stop us from now seeing it three times.
We decided to take in a quick dinner at Wendy’s, which turned into a literally three-hour straight discussion just on everything. We told stories each other had heard a million times before, but it was like everything was new all over again. We rehashed past everythings, and then the first time we met, and our thoughts on each other .. and just .. everything. It was so nice. Sitting there, bundled up in his black Diesel jacket because I was freezing, listening to him talk excitedly about plans for this and plans for that.
Next was the movie, and I had never been in this theatre before, and I almost collapsed. I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life .. the rainbow chandeliers, the gold siding .. the movie was no different than the first two times we had seen it, but being in that theatre, with him .. well, it was just good.
Halloween, which was yesterday, was actually very quiet. We had intended to shoot our next Shakespeare video, but neither of us were really in the mood for it. We also planned to go down to Shockoe Bottom, and see if there was anything to do there, but we didn’t do that either. We went back to his house, and after watching Riverdance (Nick’s new obsession!) for the third time, his parents announced that they were going out, and that we should give out candy.
So, we did for a while. Nick changed the obligatory Halloween scary music to Edith Piaf and it was hilarious. One little girl even ran from it. The kids were cute — the funniest thing of the night was when some little boy was to shy to come up to the door and the father announced, “He has issues.”
That floored us.
Everything was quiet for a while, when suddenly, Nick’s sister, her friends Megan, Erin and Elaine, JTT and his friend Duff busted up in the house. Everyone was in shock at the boys’ behavior — they burst into the house, throwing candy, going through the refrigerator and then settling down to watch Nick’s Riverdance tape and commenting on the “hot chick dancer.”
Nick was shocked because he adores JTT, and JTT was exuding typical, immature guy behavior. We stood in the kitchen, feeling like parents, and gawked at the boys. After 30 or so minutes of this, we ushered everyone out, and took the girls to a Halloween party. We had a party ourselves we could’ve gone to, but we decided we might as well just stay home.
But what to do at home?
We literally wrestled for like a half-hour. We have always made fun of “wrasslin,” so it was more of a joke than anything, but it was funny as hail.
I know, I know.
Then we both fell asleep on his bed, sealing the parental-feel that seemed to penetrate the night.
And now, here I am, at 1:00 on Sunday, stuck with doing homework.
But, what a wonderful weekend it was!