You know you’re a college student in the middle of finals when you have five dollars to your name, and you have to decide between food, a cup of coffee or a cheap litre of vodka, and to tell the truth, you’re leaning towards the vodka.
Posted by: Zosia | 12-13-2000 | 12:12 AM
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You know what? No more apologies for my existence anymore. I tend to do this thing where I act all meek and mild and weak because I don’t want people to perceive me as mean or too aggressive. But I am aggressive and I am a strong woman, and I am sick of trying to hide those qualities just to please a conceited group of theatre people who have already pegged me as that weird snobby girl from VA who is not even nearly cool enough to walk in this theatre.
Fuck them. I am. I hate that they even get to me — and it’s not a specific incident. It just seems whenever I try to enter a conversation, or hell, even try to enter a room, I am given this disdainful, snooty look, as if to say, “Oh, dear, who let that beastly thing out?”
And then I get snotty (but only in my head, of course, but I am much too compassionate to be mean), and think, “Well, these stupid little people from Duluth, Minnesota think they’re better than me when they haven’t stepped foot in New York. How will they be able to handle the people there if they can’t handle a redhead from Virginia?”
BAH. It makes me so angry. Angry enough to write it here — but you know: “I am not an angry girl, but everytime I say something they find hard to hear, they chalk it up to anger and never their own fear.”
Ah, how good Ani is for raw frustrated moods. I know, I know. Finals are coming up and I have more to do than I have fingers and toes, and I am the world’s worst procrastinator and AHHH. Doesn’t everyone just want to scream with me? AHHH. I almost can’t wait to come home to Chester, where I may have like one friend, but damn, at least I’m not some alien in an ice-covered nation.
You know?
Issues, issues, we all have issues. I think now I’m just going to shower, and then drown myself in caffeine (”and the coffee is just water dressed in brown”) until rehearsal.
Thanks for listening.
Posted by: Zosia | 12-11-2000 | 03:12 PM
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A day without art. A weekend without weblogging.
World Aids Day 2000. Remember.
Posted by: Zosia | 12-01-2000 | 11:12 PM
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